


Affairs Of The Heart

by CaptainParisStarr



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Infidelity, F/M, M/M, Original Character Death(s), Physical Abuse, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-27
Updated: 2015-09-01
Packaged: 2018-04-17 14:21:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 14
Words: 31,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4669874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CaptainParisStarr/pseuds/CaptainParisStarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My personal take on Jem's romantic past; before he met Tessa, a boy captured his heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Jem

“Will! Over here!” Jem called as he chased the demon down a narrow alleyway, the chill early evening air making his breath mist slightly. It was a Ravener demon, the last of a hoard sent to terrorize a group of the Moon Children into submitting to a Warlock who wished to command the pack.

Jem saw a streak of black, as Will passed him, and he slowed slightly to conserve his remaining energy. When he caught up again, Will was already engaged in combat with the demon, and Jem went to help when something caught his eye.

A dark haired mundane boy, about his own age, was leaning against a wall... No, not leaning; cowering. Why would he- Suddenly, Jem realized he could see the demon!

Leaving the demon to Will, he ran over to the boy. “Come with me.” He held out his hand, just as Will cried out in victory.

“Jem, did you see that...? Jem?” Will sounded closer now, and curious.

“Will, he could see the demon.” Jem replied, ignoring the question and pointing to the boy, not bothering to turn and look at Will. Something about this new boy had him captivated.

“Demon? Is that what that... Thing was? A demon?” The boy asked, clearly terrified.

The two Shadowhunters looked at each other, then. “We should bring him back to the Institute.”

“Tomorrow, I think he's had enough for tonight.” They reached an understanding.

“I'm heading back, you see he gets home safely.”

Jem nodded, turning back to the mundane. “I'm James Carstairs, but you can call me Jem. My friend here is William Herondale.”

“I'm Colin. Colin Forrester.”

“Do you live around here?”

“Yes, just over here, Mr. Carstairs.” He replied, shying away from using Jem's given name.

Jem decided to ignore the formality, and asked instead if he'd ever seen anything like the demon before.

“Like that one specifically? No. But I have seen other things... Human's changing into wolves, small winged men and women, a woman once who looked normal except for her blue skin, and a man with horns.”

“So, you can see Downworld.”

“Downworld?”

“Those beings you've described are not demons, who come from other realms, but creatures who come from ours. Werewolves, Faeries, and Warlocks, three of the four groups that together form the beings of Downworld. Downworlders, we call them.”

“Whats the fourth group?”

“Vampires.” Jem answered, with no hint of humour. Colin shuddered.

“Are you a demon hunter?”

“You could say that.” Jem was cautious not to say too much about the Shadowhunters until Charlotte could talk to Colin.

“I live right here. Do you want to come inside?”

Something in Colin's tone made Jem turn towards him. “I should be going...” Jem turned to leave again.

“How old are you?” Colin suddenly asked, making him turn back once more.

“I'm almost sixteen, why do you ask?”

“So, you are younger than me. I am sixteen already.” Colin stepped closer to Jem. “You're beautiful.”

Jem swallowed, but made no attempt to pull away. “Colin... Were both male. This is wrong...”

“Is it?” Colin asked, a moment before his lips touched Jem's. Despite what he'd said, being kissed by another man did not feel wrong to him and he found himself kissing Colin back. 

A sudden sound caused them to break apart, panting. “I need to go...” Jem muttered, desperate to leave before someone saw them.

“I'll see you tomorrow then?” Colin asked, hopefully, as he mounted the steps to the door of the building he lived in.

“Yes, tomorrow.” Jem watching Colin enter the building and close the door behind him.

“Well, this is interesting.” Jem froze at the familiarity of the voice. Turning, his fears were confirmed as he saw Will lean against the wall a few feet away.

“Did you... see that?”

“If by 'that' you mean, 'did I see you kissing that boy?' the answer is yes.” Will pushed away from the wall, his expression softening in that way that was exclusive to when he was alone with Jem. “I'm not going to tell anyone, though. It's your business who you kiss, and I'll respect that.”

“Will...” Jem was shocked. He'd expected Will to freak, to say he was wrong to be kissing boys, but instead his parabatai was trying to understand, or just did not care. It was hard to tell with Will when he truly did not care, and when he was just pretending. But Will usually did not pretend around Jem. “You don't care that I was kissing a boy? And a boy I just met, at that.”

“No, I don't. I decided to follow you, and see what would happen when you were seemingly alone with him. I saw how you were looking at him, and he at you.” Will shook his head. “We cannot tell the clave about him.”

“Will, we have to! He's a mundane, but he has the Sight...”

“And romantic feelings for you! You think that won't be revealed when he's interviewed? You're the one who found him, you'll be part of the interview.”

Jem realized Will was right. If they told the others about Colin, it would come out that he was kissing him.

“Then what do we do with him?”

Will smirked, and Jem realized that he'd said the wrong thing. “I won't be doing anything with him. You can do what you like... Maybe you can sodomize him.”

“Will! Don't say that! Sodomy is a sin...”

“To the Catholics, which we are not. I know your father was a converted Catholic, and you were raised to be aware of those beliefs, but you were not baptized, were you?” Jem shook his head. “So sodomy is not a sin to you.” Will turned, and headed back the way they'd came.

“Jem... Just be careful, alright?” Will touched his friends arm gently as they walked.

“I will be as careful as I can be.”

“We simply say nothing when we return about that boy... What did he say his name was, again?”

“Colin... it's Colin.”

“We say nothing about Colin, to anyone. That way they cannot find out you have a male lover.”

“Lover?” The word made Jem's pale cheeks flush noticeably. “I barely know him...”

“Yet were kissing him passionately, and wanted more, didn't you?”

Jem said nothing, lost in thought, and the rest of the walk back to the Institute was spent in silence.

 

That night, Jem couldn't sleep. He'd made noises about being tired from fighting the demons, and gone to bed early, but he couldn't get his mind to settle down. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Colin's face, the way he'd looked after they'd broken the kiss, and Jem's body would feel hot with arousal.

At one point, he'd gotten up and fetched his violin, to lull his mind with music, but he couldn't focus enough to play. He'd sat for almost a full half hour just holding the violin before putting it away again, not having played a single note.

Now it was close to midnight, and sleep was still eluding him. He didn't understand why another boy was having such an effect on him, and women never had. He was fifteen, and never had a woman catch his eye. Was he simply meant to like boys; men; instead?

Giving into his arousal, he let one hand slip under the night clothes he was wearing, and wrap around his own swollen flesh, stroking gently. He'd been hesitant to jack off because Will often visited him at night, and he did not wish to be caught masturbating. However, he was now past the point of caring, as he gave into the pleasure that his hand was producing.

Just then, he had a thought. He'd always assumed that Will's nocturnal visits were innocent, just him wanting to make sure his ill friend was okay for the night. But now, for the first time, an alternate explanation presented itself; was Will attracted to him? Was that why he visited at night, in the hopes of being invited into Jem's bed?

Jem shook the thought from his head; Will was straight- even if he was lying about fucking whores when he was out at night, he was still undeniably straight. There had been countless times when they had been out together during the day, for whatever reason, and Jem noticed Will being momentarily distracted by a pretty girl or woman, never by another man. And anyway, even if Will did want him, he'd never say anything since it was completely illegal for parabatai to have a romantic relationship, or even feelings for one another.

Just because Will could accept that Jem liked boys, didn't mean he liked boys himself. It was crazy of Jem to think that Will liked him... and yet the thought would not leave his mind.

All the while his hand was gliding over his most intimate part, bringing him closer to the edge with each stroke, and he was starting to get close.

At that moment, his bedroom door banged open, and Will burst into the room, panting. “Jem, I-” He caught sight of his friend, and a rare blush crept up his face as Jem quickly released his cock and pulled the sheets up to cover himself.

For a long moment, they just stared at each other in awkward silence, neither knowing what to say.

“What is it, Will?” Jem eventually asked, to break the silence, hoping Will could not see that he was still aroused, and that his erection was not abating.

“I ran into that boy, Colin, again. He asked me to give you this.” He offered Jem a folded piece of paper. Then he turned to leave.

“Will, wait.” There was so much he wanted to ask Will, but did not quite dare to, that he settled for asking simply; “Why is it so easy for you to accept that I like guys instead of girls?”

Will half turned, his cheeks still slightly pink, to answer Jem's question. “Because I already knew, before today I mean. I've suspected this for a long time now, and I've seen your gaze linger slightly too long on some men, including Gabriel Lightwood; which proves only that you have questionable taste in men.”

Jem's eyes widened- he hadn't been aware of staring at guys before. “I have not let my gaze linger on any Lightwood.” He protested mildly.

Turning fully, Will examined his friend's expression. “You didn't realize that you were staring a bit at times, did you?” Jem shook his head. “That explains why you were freaking a bit over kissing Colin. You didn't know that you're gay until then.” Will took half a step towards Jem- and the bed- then shook his head and turned to leave again.

“Try to get some sleep. Resist the temptation to fantasize about him all night!” Will teased as he reached the door.

“Will!” Jem grabbed a pillow, but Will left and had the door closed behind him before Jem could toss it at him.

Settling himself back down, Jem realized he had lost all interest in masturbating sometime during the conversation with Will, and his mind was filled with what Will had said. Was it really that obvious that he was gay, or was it only obvious to Will? Unfortunately, he had no way of knowing. He eventually fell asleep with that thought running in circles around his mind, and the note from Colin still unread, lying on the table where he had placed it.

 

Jem was feeling his late night the next morning as he went down for breakfast. Knowing he looked pale, he braced himself for questioning, but none came. Charlotte sent him a quizzical look, but that was all.

The other Shadowhunters talked about the hunt that he had been on with Will the previous evening. Will filled in the details, only omitting Colin, for which Jem was grateful. Jem simply listened, too tired to join the conversation, and he got up to leave again as soon as it was polite to.

He was halfway back to his room when Will caught up to him. “We need to talk.”

Jem turned to look at Will. “About what?”

“What I did not mention at breakfast.” Will answered vaguely.

Nodding, Jem pushed his remaining confusion aside, and continued walking towards his bedroom. Once inside, Will closed the door firmly behind them. “Did you read the note yet?”

“No. Hang on.” Jem sat down on the edge of his bed, with Will beside him but far enough away that Jem could read in relative privacy, and grabbed the note. It contained a time and location for a meeting later that day, in the early evening.

“Are you going to go?” Will asked, once he was certain that Jem was done reading.

“I don't know. I want to, but...” He trailed off.

“You're worried what the others will think?”

“A little, yeah. I don't know how long I can keep this a secret.”

“We.” Will corrected, causing Jem to shoot his friend a confused look. “I already know about Colin, remember? So it's both of us keeping the secret... Which means I can cover for you.”

Jem suddenly understood what Will was saying. “You mean, you'd lie about this for me?”

“Yes, I would. The others won't understand, and you need this.” He gasped in surprise as his friend suddenly hugged him tightly. “Hey, not so tight! Or else Colin might get jealous.” Jem froze, and pulled back. “But there's nothing like that going on between us...”

“True, and we know that. He does not know our laws, or that if there was something between us, that it would be illegal. And I doubt he'd care even if he did know.”

Jem considered that, then nodded. “True. I guess hugging you that tight does look suspicious from an outside view point.”

“It does.” Will's cheeks pinked inexplicably, and he changed the subject. “Anyway, you want to see him again, right?”

Jem nodded. “More than anything. I've never felt this way before about anyone, and it scares me a bit that it's a guy whose making me feel like this now. But yes, I want... No, I need to see him again.”

Will studied his friend for a long moment. “Jem, can I ask you something personal?”

Jem was surprised, usually Will asked him anything without worrying about how personal the question was. “Yes. You know that you can ask me anything.”

“Are you still a virgin?”

Jem blushed. “Yes, I am.”

Will nodded. “I thought so. How far are you planning on letting Colin go with you?”

“What do you mean... Wait are you asking me if I want to have sex with him?”

Will shook his head. “No. I already know that you do. My question is, if he asks you for sex, will you say yes? Or will you hold back?”

Jem was quiet for a long moment, so long that Will though he was not going to answer him. “Jem...”

“Yes.” The word was whispered.

“Yes?”

“Yes, if he asks, I will likely let him... Well, you know. You were joking about it last night.”

Will nodded. “Even if he asks today?”

Jem started. “He wouldn't! Would he?”

“I don't know, you know him better than I do.”

Jem was about to protest that Colin would not ask him for sex so soon, when he remembered the kiss they had shared the night before. Blushing again, he whispered, “I don't know either. If he asks me today... I don't know if I'd resist him.”

“Jem! If you do meet him, go knowing how far you want to go. If your ready to go all the way with him, no holding back, then I won't interfere. But if you're not, and he tries to push you... I will be intervening anyway I possibly can. I don't want to see you get hurt.”

Jem nodded. “Will, thanks but that won't be necessary. I want him.” He said simply.

“You sure?” Jem nodded. “I'll go with you. Not all the way to the meeting point.” He quickly amended when Jem raised an eyebrow. “Just far enough to convince the others that we're out patrolling. Then we can split up, and you can meet him privately. Deal?”

“Deal.” Will got up to go. “Try to nap for a bit. I'll wake you up an hour before the meeting time.” Will left the room, closing the door firmly behind him. Jem slid under the covers in his shirtsleeves, and was soon fast asleep.


	2. Will

Will collapsed backwards against his bedroom door, his heart racing. Frantically, he prayed that Jem had not noticed that his hug had made Will hard. Confusion and desire chased each other across his face, as one hand slid traitorously over the budge in his pants. Why Jem, and why now? Will had never before looked at Jem with desire, not once; but now that he was truly unavailable to him, he was. Why? What had changed?

With much effort Will pushed those thoughts away as he slid the bolt home to lock his door. Crossing the room, he lay down on his bed, one hand still caressing himself through the thin fabric of his trousers. However, that proved to not be enough stimulation, and he was soon unzipping his pants and freeing his erection from the confines of his underwear.

Trying to keep his mind clear and focus just on the pleasure proved a futile effort, and his mind kept filling with thoughts of Jem. Not just any thoughts either, but the way his friend had looked when he'd broken the kiss with Colin- lips slightly swollen, and a pleasure-stunned haze filling his silvery eyes.

Soon Will's imagination was revisiting more dangerous ground; walking in on Jem playing with himself. Will remembered the way Jem's breath had come in quick pants, his hand dancing across his own swollen flesh; flesh that had yet to feel the touch of another person's hand. He also remembered how quickly Jem had hidden that part of himself under the blankets... But his mind did not stop there.

In his fantasy, Jem was not embarrassed, as he had been in reality, but casting Will 'come hither' looks, still stroking himself through the sheets, giving Will tantalizing glimpses of the length of him. Will crossed the room, and crawled up onto the bed, pushing Jem's hand aside, and replacing it with his own, the covers thrown hastily aside. Then he was on top of Jem; Jem's long legs wrapping around him as his hands pulled Will's hardened member out of his pants, their hips rubbing their lengths together as hands stroked each other. Jem's free hand wrapped around Will's neck, pulling him down for a heated kiss, their tongues tangling together as they both felt the divine pleasure build low in their stomachs. Only a few more strokes now, a few more... then a few more became one, and they were pushed over the edge in unison, cum spraying across both bodies in hot ropy streams...

And Will jolted back to reality as he lay panting on his bed, one hand trailing trough the mess his orgasm had left on his stomach and thighs. Blushing hard, he grabbed a dampened cloth, and began cleaning himself up, sighing in relief as the fabric of his shirt and pants had not been stained in his haste. Confusion still filled his mind, but it was muted now, as he knew what had changed- before meeting Colin, Will had never seen Jem flushed with pleasure- hadn't even been sure that Jem's addiction had left him capable of such thoughts and actions. The knowledge did him no good, only fuelled his growing spark of desire, which was not only inappropriate, but dangerous, because no one could ever find out about it.

Once he was certain he was presentable, and no remaining trace of what he'd just done remained on his person, he left his room and headed to the library. He was due to train with Thomas, but was in no mood to be handing weapons, so he blew off that agreement with ease.

Upon reaching the library, he headed straight for the section where the most forbidden books were stored, and began scanning the pages for anything related to the act of sodomy. He was not looking for vague references, but an actual description of the act... and just as he was about to give up a title caught his eye. The volume was wedged into a tight space at the very back of a shelf, half hidden behind two larger volumes, which he had to move to get at the smaller book. It proved to be a novel, of sorts- The 120 Days of Sodom by the Marquis de Sade. Curious, he began flipping through the pages, his eyes widening and his cheeks heating as he read about acts of sexual pleasures and cruelties he had not before even imagined, but the volume did contain the knowledge he had been seeking, descriptions of how the act of sodomy truly worked. Placing the book aside, he grabbed one of the larger volumes that had been hiding the novel, and flipping through it found a section on the life of the Marquis de Sade, and read about how he'd been imprisoned for his writings, and that his books were never published, except that several copies were clearly produced secretly underground.

Tucking the slim volume under his arm, he left the library, and hurried along the halls to Jem's room to see if he was awake yet. But when he got there, he found himself hesitating to open the door. What if Jem could read his feelings on his face? But he pushed the thought aside, and entered. Jem was just finishing dressing himself.

“Feeling better?” Will asked nonchalantly, noting that Jem's color had improved.

“Yes, much. What do you have there?” Jem nodded towards the volume Will was still clutching.

Making sure the door was securely closed, he handed the volume to Jem. “The only book I could find that describes sodomy as an act rather than as a sin or ideal.” His cheeks heated slightly as he recalled exactly how descriptive the book was, as Jem took the book and, curious, began to read. Moments later, he tossed the book away from him, his cheeks as red as they would go.

“Where did you find such a novel as that?” Jem asked, eyes wide.

“In the back of the library, where the books on dark magic and the like are stored. I found it hidden behind two volumes about mundanes who were imprisoned for their writings, by either Shadowhunter, or mundane authorities; most wrote about true acts of dark magic- necromancy, or other such things- but that man, the Marquis de Sade, was imprisoned for writing... well, you know what.” Will had to stop and swallow hard before he could continue. “I do not know how such a volume came to be in our library, especially since none of his works were ever officially published.”

Jem retrieved the volume from where it lay beside his bed, and offered it to Will, but Will refused to take it. “Keep it. Parts may prove... informative to you later, depending on how things go between you and Colin.”

His eyes widened further, as he realized that Will truly thought that he would end up engaging in acts of sexual pleasure with the other boy, and opened his mouth to deny the notion, but found he could not. It was more than possible that he would end up in the older boys bed, given how passionately they'd been kissing the night before. After a long moment, he simply nodded and placed the volume in his nightstand drawer.

“Besides, I doubt anyone will miss it, or even knows the book was there in the first place.” Will laughed humorlessly, revealing that he'd found the books content to be somewhat disturbing. Then he shook his head. “Anyway, it's almost lunch time.” Turning, he left the room before Jem could reply, but found his friend following him down to the dining room.

Neither boy desired to speak much while they ate, however that went unnoticed as Henry babbled on and on about the demonic energy sensing device he was working on- so far with disastrous results.

Once they were both done eating, Will stood and stated that he was going to go patrolling through the city and invited Jem to come with. Jem, knowing what Will was doing, accepted the invite. Five minuted later they were outside the institute heading towards the location indicated by the note.

They walked in silence, neither one knowing what to say and knowing that, even with no other Shadowhunters nearby, that it was dangerous to openly discuss Jem's relations with Colin. It was not until they were only a couple blocks from the rendezvous that the silence was broken.

“Jem, here is where I leave you. Good luck.” Will waved at his best friend and took off down the side street, as Jem turned to meet his lover, his heart racing in nervous anticipation.


	3. Colin

Colin's foot tapped a nervous tattoo into the floor under the public house table he was seated at. He had reached the pub much earlier than the time he'd told Jem to meet him there at, and now his heart would not stop racing as he wondered if the other boy was even planning to come. Had he pushed the silver haired youth away by being too eager? He remembered the passion with which Jem's tongue had duelled with his own, but he also recalled the look in his eyes when they'd broken the kiss. He had been confused, and a little freaked out, by what had happened.

Just then, the door opened. Jumping at the sound, he had to force himself not to turn and see if it was Jem; it was still early, and the other customers would grow suspicious of his intentions if he looked at the door every time it opened. So he was surprised when the steps approached his table, and a gentle hand was laid upon his shoulder.

Turning, his eyes met the set of strangely colored silvery eyes that had haunted his dreams and waking thoughts since the night before. “You came! I wasn't certain that you would.” He exclaimed as he gestured for Jem to take a seat next to him.

“Of course, I came. Why wouldn't I?” Jem asked, his tone soft and almost teasing, as he sat down. Colin found himself leaning forward almost involuntarily, trying to close the gap between them. He pulled back again, with an almost physical effort, blushing slightly.

“I-I wasn't sure I gave you the right... impression last night.” He mumbled, his voice barely loud enough for Jem to hear.

Jem glanced around, and saw that none of the other customers were paying any attention to them. “You startled me. I had never done... well, that before... you know what I mean.” Jem carefully stated, trying to only let Colin know what he was referring to.

“You hadn't?” Colin was surprised. “A beautiful boy like you? Really?”

“You... think I'm beautiful?” This time it was Jem who leaned closer; no one else had ever called him beautiful before, and now Colin had called him that twice.

“Yes, I do.” He noticed that a couple men at the next table were glancing their way, suspicion starting to shine in their eyes. “We should leave, we're attracting attention by talking about this here.”

Jem nodded and stood, waiting by the door as Colin went to the bar to pay his tab. Then they left, Colin leading the way down the street towards the building he lived in.

Realizing where they were going when he spotted the side street where he had first meet Colin the night before, Jem hesitated. “I'm not sure going to your flat is a good idea right now.”

“Why wouldn't it be? It's private, and since you're also male we won't arouse any suspicion with you being there. And I won't... not if you don't want me to.” He added, realizing that Jem was worried that Colin was taking him home for sex and nothing else. “I like you, Jem.” He hesitated, realizing he was using Jem's Christian name for the first time. “Jem...” He whispered again, just because he liked the way the word rolled off his tongue.

“Yes?” Jem answered his name just to tease.

His face heating as he realized that his pants were getting tighter, he muttered; “Maybe you're right, it's too soon to be alone like that...” He shifted uncomfortably as he spoke, knowing that once inside his flat he'd want to get Jem into his bed. What he wasn't sure about was whether or not Jem was ready for that yet, and he didn't want to push.

Jem noticed, and smiled. “You really do want more than just... you know what from me, don't you?”

Colin nodded. “Yes, I like you romantically, but also as a friend, and I'm hoping we can be both lovers and friends.” He pitched his voice low so that only Jem heard him.

“As am I.” Jem replied, smiling gently. Without another word they resumed walking towards Colin's building.

Without hesitation, Colin opened the main door of the boarding house, leading Jem up the main flight of stairs to the large room he rented towards the back of the house. Once inside, Colin shut the door firmly behind him. “It's not much, but this is home for me.”

Glancing around the fairly large room, Jem quickly spotted the four-poster bed tucked into the far corner, away from the reception area. Deliberately ignoring Colin's gestures for him to take a seat on the couch, Jem walked across the room towards the bed.

“What are you doing?” Colin asked, following Jem.

“I could not stop thinking about you last night.” Jem whispered, reaching the bed. He touched the bedspread with one hand, and when Colin laid his hand on Jem's lower back, he only smiled. Turning around, he wrapped one hand around Colin's neck, and this time there were no spectators to keep them from kissing.

They kissed then, slowly, Jem's inherent shyness showing, even as Colin gently pushed his willing body properly onto the bed. Breaking the kiss, Colin pushed Jem's jacket off his shoulders, then slid down to remove his shoes and socks, before removing his own. Then he climbed up onto the bed with Jem, the younger boy shifting so that he was lying properly on the bed, Colin straddling his hips. Slowly, Colin reached down and started unbuttoning Jem's shirt, his fingers tracing the smooth pale skin he uncovered, before leaning down and kissing a trail down Jem's chest to the top of his still fastened pants.

Jem was breathing heavily by this time, his hands clutching Colin's shoulders, eager for him to go further, but scared to let him at the same time. At that moment they were interrupted by a knock at the door. Freezing, Jem slowly turned to look at the door as though it would open to show the world that he was in another boys bed, but Colin just sighed and slipped off Jem and the bed to see who it is.

Padding across the room, he opened the door just a crack. “Yes? This isn't a good time-”

“It's never a good time! You have another boy in there, don't you?” The young man shot back.

“Andy...” Sighing again, Colin braced his weight against the door. “I told you, I'm not interested in you like that. And what I do with other men is none of your concern.” He tried to push the door shut, but Andy was stronger, forcing his way into the room. Immediately he spotted Jem.

“Oh, so you do have company! He's cute! Where did you find a boy like him?” His eyes raked up and down Jem's half exposed body, causing the Shadowhunter to shiver uncomfortably, as he touched himself through his pants, his erection straining against the thin fabric. “Is he a rent boy? Look at his lips, they were made to wrap around-” He was cut off by Colin slapping his cheek hard.

“He is not a rent boy! I met him last night, after these thugs attacked me. Jem and a friend of his jumped in and saved me from being pummelled into submission.” He lied smoothly. 

“Liar! You just want to keep his sweet lips and ass for yourself!” Andy spat bloody, alcohol scented phlegm towards Colin, but missed. “Jem has rent boy written all over him.” Andy took one more step towards the bed, but then Colin was in front of him, and he stopped not wanting to be hit again.

“You're drunk! Just go back to your room and sleep it off, come on!” Grabbing Andy's arm, he manged to drag him to the door, tossing him into the hall, before closing and locking the door. Then he rushed back to the bed. “Are you okay? You're shaking...” He pulled Jem into his arms and held him tight.

“He wanted me to... to...” Jem couldn't even say it. “Who was that?” He choked out instead.

“Another tenant of this boarding house. He's a nice guy when he's sober, but when he's drunk...” Colin broke off. “But I won't let him touch you. He's been pushing me for sex so much that I should have known to expect something like this.”

Swallowing hard, Jem asked the one thing that was worrying him the most. “Do I really look like a rent boy? Like a... whore?” His throat seized around the last word, but he somehow managed to get it out nonetheless.

“No! No, of course not. Andy was just trying to get a rise out of you. He likes his boys slightly less than willing...” 

“He... rapes boys?” Jem froze again, his eyes widening in horror.

“Not outright, as far as I know. But he does like seeing fear in his partner's eyes, and forcing reluctant boys into submission. At least he does when he's drunk.”

Jem's hand itched to go into the hidden pocket sewn into the lining of his jacket, where he always kept a seraph blade, but the jacket was too far away, and this was not a threat that the angel blade would help defend him against. He'd once watched Will accidentally stab a human- the human servant of a master vampire- with a seraph blade, and the sight of the man being consumed by heavenly fire from within still haunted his dreams.

Colin held Jem tight until the silver haired boy stopped shaking, and rested his head on the older boys shoulder.

“You should probably go...” He whispered, trying to pull away so Jem could get dressed again, but Jem held him tighter. 

“Do you really like having someone suck on your...” Jem blushed, and ran one hand across Colin's lower stomach, not quite daring to actually touch the part he was referring to.

“Yes, I do. But you don't have to do that to me if you don't want to.” Reluctant now, Colin tried to push Jem's hand away, but Jem stopped him.

“I do want to. I want to taste you, and... pleasure you. And have you pleasure me.” Jem leaned in so that his lips brushed tantalizingly across Colin's as he spoke.

Nodding, Colin shifted so that he was resting against the headboard, and Jem was seated more or less in his lap. He watched as Jem slowly unbuttoned his shirt and slid it off, then worked his belt open before undoing the button and unzipping the older boys pants.

“Have you ever touched another boys cock before?” Expecting Jem to say no, he was surprised when he nodded instead.

“Yes, but it wasn't sexual. Once, during a hunt, Will got both his hands trapped between a tree-trunk and the wall it had collapsed against. I got him home, but it took time for his hands to heal, and I had to help him relieve himself during that time.” Jem blushed hotly at the memory, and the feel of Will's limp cock in his hand as the hot urine splashed into the chamber pot. “It was unbelievably awkward.” He added, silently thinking that he had liked touching his friend like that. But no one could know that.

“Did you like watching him urinate?” Colin asked, cocking his head curiously to one side.

“No, it was more embarrassing than anything.” Jem was confused by the question.

“Oh. I do like watching, it's a... fetish of mine. But if you're not into it then that's okay.” Colin blushed as he realized that Jem didn't view peeing as a sexual act.

“You really...?” Jem broke off, not sure he wanted to know if Colin was joking about getting turned on by watching other guys pee or not. Trying to distract himself from the thought that he was being serious, Jem tugged down his underwear enough to expose Colin's hardened cock. Unable to stop himself, he let out a soft whistle of appreciation as he saw that the boy was on the large side. He gently toyed with the length, ghosting his fingers up and down the shaft while holding the base securely with his other hand, before leaning down and licking the tip.

Colin moaned and feathered his fingers through Jem's hair, encouraging him to take the whole head into his mouth. “Go slowly, you don't have to take in the whole length, just what you're comfortable with.” He broke off gasping as Jem squeezed his base gently before stroking the shaft slowly as he took another inch into his mouth. Sucking harder, he then pulled back, and settled into a rhythm, moving clumsily at first, then his motions smoothed out as he got used to the technique. His hand pumped Colin while he alternated sucking the shaft and licking the tip and underside. Each bob of his head slid a little more of Colin into his mouth until he could feel the tip brushing against the back of his throat. It took all his concentration not to gag, and he reluctantly left the remaining few inches for his hand.

As the pleasure build deep inside him, Colin had to bite his hand to keep from crying out loud and announcing to the other tenants that he had a lover in his room. Realizing he was getting close, he got Jem to stop.

“What? Did I do something wrong?” Jem asked, confused, as he pulled back, rubbing his jaw.

“No, I just don't want to cum in your mouth just yet.” Colin confessed shyly, causing Jem's eyes to widen as he realized the boy had enjoyed the feel of his mouth on him that much. Taking him into his hand again, Jem began jacking him off properly, and a moment later Jem felt Colin's hot seed splash across his chest and stomach, just missing his still fastened pants.

Panting, Colin rested for a moment, then got up to grab a cloth to clean the mess off of Jem's body. But he was surprised to find Jem licking semen off his fingers when he got back. “Do I taste good?”

Nodding, Jem had to swallow before he could reply. “Yes, you taste sweet and salty. The flavor is unique, but not unpleasant.” He then leaned back and allowed Colin to clean him up. Then the boys fingers made swift work of Jem's pants, leaving the Shadowhunter completely naked on his bed. Smiling in appreciation of the sight, he settled down between Jem's legs, intent on returning the favor. But his mouth had barely closed around Jem's tip when the younger boy was pushing him back, making gasping sounds that were not of pleasure.

“That feels weird!” He muttered, responding to the confusion in Colin's eyes.

“Good weird?”

Jem thought for a moment, blushing hard. “It did feel good, I guess, but too good. Overwhelmingly good to the point of pain.”

Colin nodded, understanding what Jem was saying. “I've heard rumors that some guys are too sensitive there for oral stimulation, but I've never met anyone for whom that was true before now.”

“Too sensitive... Yes that makes sense.” Jem nodded, his embarrassment fading as the logic of what Colin was saying registered in his mind.

“I'm going to try something else. Do you trust me?”

“Yes.” The word was out of Jem's mouth before he had a chance to think about the question, but he made no move to take it back.

“Lie down on your stomach, with a pillow under your hips.”

Jem complied, shooting his lover confused glances. Colin said nothing more, waiting for Jem to settle in comfortably. Then he gently sucked on his own fingers, before sliding a dampened digit between Jem's butt cheeks to rub against his opening. Massaging gently, he waited for Jem to relax, then slid a finger inside his friend.

Jem gasped, surprised by the contact, but he wasn't in pain. “That also feels weird, but not painful. It's just... odd.” Jem spread his legs wider, silently giving Colin permission to continue.

Colin slid the finger deeply into Jem, rubbing his walls as he did, searching for his sweet spot. Then he pulled back and pushed in again, finger fucking his ass. As he did he felt Jem's muscles relax, and soon added a second finger, then a third, stretching Jem further. When Jem gasped in pain as the third finger was added, he stilled his hand, rubbing Jem's lower back until the muscles relaxed again. Then he began searching in earnest for the sweet spot, finding it within seconds. He knew when he had the right place because Jem let out a strangled cry of pure pleasure. Smirking, Colin began ramming that spot with short thrusts of his hand, gently at first, then harder as the boy got used to the pleasure. His smile widened as Jem began writhing under him, desperate to stimulate his cock, his muscles twitching around Colin's hand indicating he was getting close. 

“Colin... I'm gonna...” Jem's voice was muffled by the pillow he had his face pressed against to silence his sounds, but the wordless shriek of pleasure he let out when his orgasm hit still reverberated around the room.

Colin rapidly removed his hand, rubbing Jem's back to silence him as he desperately listened for approaching footsteps, but he heard nothing but silence.

“I take it you liked that?” He chuckled once the danger of being caught had passed.

“Y-yes. That was in-incredible...” Jem gasped out, still relearning how to breath.

“Just imagine how much better my cock will feel in your ass...” He broke off to nip lightly at Jem's earlobe. Then he pulled back, stiffing a yawn which did not go unnoticed.

“Come here.” Jem rolled over and opened his arms for a hug. Taking just enough time to shed the rest of his own clothing, Colin laid his nude body next to Jem's, and they fell asleep tangled in each others arms.


	4. Jem

Jem woke feeling more refreshed and alive than he'd ever felt since the demon attack on the Shanghai Institute that had left his parents dead and him addicted to a demonic drug. For a long moment he lay is blissful ignorance, his mind a blank, then the memories of what he'd done came rushing back. Quickly sitting up, he gazed first down at the boy sleeping next to him, then at the darkened window.

“Damn, what time is it?” He whispered, as he walked to the window and looked out, careful not to expose his naked form to the outside world.

He heard the bed creak a moment before footsteps approached him from behind. “Jem? What is it?”

“It's just later than I thought- close to midnight I think. I need to get home before my absence is missed.” He spoke reluctantly, leaning back into Colin's warmth. Strong arms wrapped around his waist, and he released the curtain to clasp his hands over his lovers.

“I wish you could stay here, with me, forever.” Colin kissed his cheek before releasing Jem so he could get dressed. Crossing the room again, Colin sat on the edge of his bed to watch Jem clothe his beautiful body.

“Hey, can I ask you something?”

Jem paused, his pants pulled halfway up his legs, and looked at Colin, surprised by the boys tone. He sounded shy, like he wasn't sure how Jem would take the question.

“Yes, what is it?” Jem fastened his pants as he replied, his curiosity piqued. 

“Where are you from? Your voice sounds British, but your face and coloring... I've never seen anyone like you before, and I'm not sure what to make of it.” Choosing his words carefully, Colin shyly avoided Jem's eye.

Abandoning his attempt to get dressed, Jem sat next to Colin on the bed. “There is no easy answer I can give you. I was born in Shanghai; my mother is Chinese, and my father British...” He broke off, pain tightening his throat.

Colin reached over and laced his fingers through Jem's. “What happened?”

“You remember the demon that attacked you?” The boy nodded, and Jem continued. “That was a common, or lesser, demon. When I was twelve my parents and I were attacked in the house we lived in by the Greater Demon Yanluo, and I was tortured with demonic poisons... drugs. By the time I was found, it was too late. I was addicted to a substance called yin fen. There is no cure to the addiction, and all attempts to ween me off the drug were abandoned when it became clear that I would die without it.”

Colin's eyes widened as he realized what Jem was saying. “Are you saying that your still addicted to this drug?”

“Yes. My hair and eyes were not always this color. One effect yin fen has is the leeching of color from the user.” Jem's eyes were downcast. He was scared to look at Colin's face, scared of what he would see.

“I... Jem, I don't know what to say...” Impulsively he hugged his friend and lover. Jem stiffened in surprise, then shifted so he could hug Colin back.

“You're not mad that I'm...” He flushed with shame.

“It's not your fault. If you were addicted by your choice, then yes I'd be furious. But you're not; it was the result of torture.”

“I wanted to die.” Jem confessed softly. “Even now, there are times when I wish I had died rather than live like this...” He was cut off by a pair of warm lips pressing against his own.

“Don't talk like that. I'm going to make you forget ever thinking about dying.” Colin promised, as he tried to push Jem down on the bed so he could straddle his lover's hips.

“I really must go... and I'm still too sore for another round.” Jem gently pushed back against Colin.

Sighing, Colin pulled away so Jem could stand and finish getting dressed. “Can I see you again tonight? And don't worry, I won't tell anyone about what you just told me.” A faint smile lit his face at the thought of why Jem was sore, and amusement underscored his words.

Jem nodded, buttoning up his shirt. “Yes, tonight. Should I meet you somewhere, or just come straight here?” A faint blush heated his cheeks as he knew where the second option would lead.

“Meet me... outside, in front of this building, at nine. Then we can decide if we want to come in or go somewhere else.” Colin replied carefully, not wanting to seem like he was pushing Jem for sex.

“I'll see you tonight.” Jem retrieved his hat and cane from where they ended up lying near the door, cast aside in their haste to claim each other physically. Pausing at the door, he sighed, turned, and walked back over to the bed.

“Jem? Wh-” Colin was cut off by Jem's tongue entering his mouth. Relaxing, he kissed Jem back, hard. When they finally broke apart, they were gasping for air, but neither minded. “Wow... now that's what I call a goodnight kiss.” Colin teased, batting his eyelashes at Jem in a mock-feminine way.

“Goodnight.” Jem called over his shoulder as he left, chuckling at Colin's reaction to the kiss, and still panting from the force of it.

He made good time, making it back to the Institute a little after midnight. Slipping silently through the door, he managed to make it back to his room without being seen. Figuring everyone else was simply asleep, or assuming he was out with Will, he thought nothing of the silent halls.

Thinking of Will, he briefly considered seeing if his friend was still awake, but then he felt the tugging like sensation in his lungs that indicated he was about to have a coughing fit from yin fen withdrawal. Double timing it, he made it to his room just in time. Except something was wrong, his bed was occupied by a nude male form; but it wasn't until Jem lit a candle so he could mix some of the drug in with the water that sat beside his bed that he recognized the boy. It was William Herondale who was sleeping naked in Jem's bed.


	5. Will

Will jolted awake at the sound of coughing. Sliding out of the bed, forgetful of his own nudity, he passed Jem the water glass without thinking. It wasn't until Jem was finished taking his medicine that the full reality of the situation hit him.

He had fallen asleep in his best friends bed. Worse, he had fallen asleep after masturbating in his parabatai's bed, while fantasizing about said parabatai... and then he'd been caught at the scene of the crime! His cheeks flaring with heat, he quickly reached behind him for the semen stained top sheet, intent on covering himself up, as he suddenly felt unusually shy and self-conscious. “Jem... I...” He tapered off, at a loss for words, as his knees gave out and he sat bonelessly down on the floor beside the bed.

“Will, what is this? Why were you...?” Jem gestured at Will and the bed behind him after setting down the now empty glass, the drug already having its effect on him. Some color was already returning to his cheeks, and he had stopped coughing and gasping for breath.

“I was... I mean... This is...” Will's mind was blank. There was no way he could tell Jem the truth, that he'd come here to fantasize about Jem while Jem was on his date with Colin, but his mind offered up no alternate explanations.

It was then that Jem noticed the stains on his sheet; the one now wrapped around Will's body to cover him. “Is that semen on my sheet? Your semen?” Jem's mind started making the connection.

“Yes, it is.” Will's eyes were downcast as he whispered the confirmation. If only the floor would open up and swallow him whole, or a meteor would strike the building! Anything to keep him from having to confess the truth of what he had been doing!

“Will! What were you thinking... playing with yourself in my bed? How long have you thought about me in that way... or were you even thinking about me? Was it just for the thrill of it?” Jem hastily backtracked as he realized that he had no evidence that Will had been thinking about him at all, other than the circumstance.

“I... I was thinking about you.” For reasons unknown, the embarrassment fled Will as soon as he heard Jem state what had happened. “Ever since I saw you kiss Colin in the alleyway... I've been... curious, I guess... yeah, curious about you. Physically, I mean.” Will was strangely calm as he spoke, like all the other emotions had fled him with the embarrassment.

Jem sighed, and sat down on the floor next to Will. “Nothing like that can exist between us. Even if Colin was not my... lover.” The word still felt foreign in Jem's mouth, but made him blush nonetheless. “Nothing could be allowed to develop. It would be illegal.” Jem finished, mentally adding; 'Despite the fact that I think about you the same way I think of Colin.' It would only make things harder if he told Will that.

Sighing, Will stood, and, his shyness gone, cast aside the sheet so he could get dressed properly, unaware of Jem's eyes tracing over the lines of his body as he did so, lingering on his shapely ass and the glimpses Will gave his friend of his manhood. He kept his back to Jem as much as he could while dressing himself.

The silence stretched out between them as both friends searched for something to say. “I thought that I'd have time to... I never meant to fall asleep.” Will eventually muttered.

“Neither did I.” Jem added with a half smile.

“What do you mean?” Will cast Jem a curious look over his shoulder as he buttoned up his shirt.

“The only reason that I am so late getting back is because I fell asleep in Colin's bed.” Jem replied, feeling almost giddy as he confessed.

“In his bed? Did you... are you... Jem! You must tell me everything!” Will exclaimed, as he sat down on the edge of Jem's bed, pulling his friend up beside him, his excitement overriding any lingering embarrassment at being caught in Jem's bed.

“We went to his place after meeting up, intending just to talk about... boundaries, how far each of us wanted things to go, that sort of thing. And we did talk, but with our bodies instead of...” He trailed off, shifting uncomfortably, and winced as his still sore ass muscles clenched at the memory.

Noticing, Will's eyes widened further. “You didn't!”

“No, but we came close. I did... feel him inside me. But only his fingers, not his... well, you know.” Jem blushed and swallowed, gathering his thoughts to ask Will about something that was bothering him.

“Did it feel good?” Will asked with genuine curiosity.

Nodding, Jem whispered; “It was the most amazing thing that I have ever felt.” He shifted again, biting his lip.

Misunderstanding the gesture, Will stood. “Jem! Please tell me that he did not force you...!”

“What...no! Will! No, I was not forced. I wanted to, it's just... That felt good, but something else he did should have, but didn't and...” He blushed, shifting yet again.

“Oh? What did he do?” Will was curious in spite of himself, and, even knowing that he should not be discussing sex with Jem at all, he sat down again, close beside his friend.

Jem hesitated, desperately needing to know if Will thought it was normal for him to not like having his dick sucked, or if it meant that there was something wrong with him. However, embarrassment warred with the desperation.

“Jem, you can tell me anything. You know I won't tell anyone else what you say.” Will slid closer and gently rested his hand on Jem's knee. When Jem continued to hesitate, he leaned closer still and whispered; “What is it? I promise I won't judge you for whatever it is you're worried about.”

Jem turned, and Will's blue eyes met his silvery ones from only inches away. “Will... I... Yes, I know you won't judge or tell anyone this. But that doesn't make it any less embarrassing to say.” Taking deep breath, he continued. “When we first got back to his flat, we were just planning to talk... and kiss a bit. Alright...” Jem amended as Will raised an eyebrow. “More than a bit for the kissing. But we weren't really planning to go much further than that. What changed that plan is the fact that we were interrupted by another guy who lives in the boarding house, a boy named Andy. He was drunk and...” Jem trailed off, blushing furiously.

“And what...?” Will swallowed down the dread that had settled in the back of his throat, fearing that Andy had assaulted Jem or Colin for being gay.

“Nothing like what your thinking. Andy's like us... he likes boys rather than girls. He didn't hate us for what we'd been doing, rather the opposite, in fact. He wanted to join us, and he kept... implying that I was a... rent boy. Like that was the only reason Colin would want a boy as pretty as me...” He trailed off again as the self doubt that he'd felt at the time came creeping back.

“Don't tell me that you believe him! You don't look anything like a whore.” Will unconsciously reached over and brushed a few loose strands of hair out of Jem's eyes, tucking it behind his ear.

Ignoring the intimacy of the gesture, Jem took comfort in Will's touch and continued. “No, I don't believe him about that. Its the pretty-boy bit I'm doubtful of.” He spoke lightly, like he was joking around with Will about something like normal.

Smiling, Will teased Jem back. “Don't, you are a pretty-boy. Almost as pretty as a girl... you're just missing the dress. Hey, I wonder if Colin would like to see you dressed up as a girl. I could help you with the stays-” Jem swatted him, blushing again, and Will burst out laughing.

“Oh? If I didn't know any better, I'd say that you don't want to see me in a dress, but rather wearing nothing at all.” Jem paused then, realizing that he had gone beyond teasing and was actually flirting with Will. “Anyway...” He chuckled humorlessly, dropping the teasing tone. “Andy also said that he thought my mouth was made for wrapping around his, or another man's... cock. That's when Colin tossed him out of the room, literally. But it got us thinking and...” He blushed harder.

“You used your mouth on Colin?” Will gaped at Jem, unable to quite picture Jem taking that part of any male- of him- into his mouth.

“Yes, and he loved it. Loved the feel of me sucking and licking him...” He stopped talking as he realized the unintended effect his words were having on Will. “But when he went to do the same to me... It hurt. It was like my body enjoyed it too much and pleasure became pain. So much sensation that it overwhelmed me. Is that normal, Will? For me to not like the feel of someones mouth on me there?”

Will hesitated, then answered carefully, making no effort to hide his erection. “I think so. It is a very sensitive part of the body to begin with, and... yes I think its normal for some guys, for you, to be so sensitive that it just hurts rather than pleasures. But I don't know for sure since... I've never experienced it myself.”

Jem's eyes widened. “You... haven't? But all those tales about whoring and whatnot...?”

“I have had sex.” Will lied smoothly. “With several women, some were whores, one or two weren't. But It was all straight sex, nothing like that.”

“With women? Will, if you like girls... then what are you doing right now?” Jem asked, confused.

Will was confused too, until he realized that his hand had slid higher up Jem's leg than he'd intended to go, and his fingers were rubbing circles into the soft skin hidden below the thin fabric of Jem's pants. Briefly wondering what Jem would do if he moved his hand higher still, then over to rest on the parts hanging between Jem's legs, Will snatched back his hand, blushing hard. “I... You're the only guy who I've ever liked in this way... Normally I do go for girls. Maybe I'm just curious because I know that you do like boys...” Realizing he was beginning to babble, Will stopped talking.

He didn't notice Jem get up until he heard the bolt slide home as Jem locked the door. “Do you want to?” He whispered as he glanced back at Will over his shoulder.

Blushing harder as Will realized that Jem knew he was hard, his eyes widened in realization. “What... what about Colin? Are you sure that we should be... doing things like that?”

Guilt clouded Jem's eyes for a second, but he shrugged it off. “No one has to know about this, Colin least of all. What we do here, tonight, does not concern him.”

“If no one else is going to know... then yes I want to find out... how your mouth feels against... me...” Will's arousal was increasing exponentially, just thinking about Jem kissing and caressing that part of him. He was literally panting with arousal as Jem fell to his knees in front of him.

“Jem... No, not like this. We should both be on the bed.” Will scooted backwards as he spoke to make room for Jem.

“Lie down then, on your back.” Jem climbed up onto his bed next to Will.

A minute later, after much shifting, Will was reclining back against the pilled-up pillows with Jem lying between his spread legs. Feeling somewhat shy again, since he'd been lying when he'd said he'd done anything sexual with anyone; well almost anyway. He had kissed a girl once, but that was the true extent of his sexual experience, and now he was about to be sucked off by Jem!

He opened his mouth to say that he changed his mind at the same moment Jem's hands slid over his still clothed erection. All thought fled Will's mind as his hips bucked upwards involuntarily, pressing himself firmly against Jem's curious hands. His jaw dropped as Jem dipped his head and, keeping eye contact with Will, slowly grasped the zipper between his teeth and dragged it down. Both boys froze as the sound seemed to echo loudly around the room, but when no one came running to see what they were doing they relaxed again.

Jem drew back slightly, laughing. “This is actually the safest place we can be for this! No one would ever suspect that we're exploring each other sexually inside the Institute itself, and it's so big with everyone's bedrooms spaced out so much that it is unlikely anyone will hear us.”

“True, its unlikely that- Jem!” Will gasped as one of Jem's hands slipped inside his open pants and underneath his underwear, to stroke his length.

Jem took a deep breath, trying hard to avoid showing Will how nervous he actually was about doing this with Will, and tugged Will's length out of his pants. His eyes widening, Jem had to swallow hard again before letting out a breathy laugh.

“Jem? What...?” Will was confused- this wasn't the reaction he'd been expecting from Jem.

“Nothing, you're just bigger than I'd thought. Actually, you're bigger here than Colin is, than I am.” He smiled up at Will, as the other boy blushed as he realized the compliment that Jem was trying to give him.

“I'm bigger than you? Prove it.” Will meant the words lightly, not realizing exactly how Jem would prove something like than until the older boy shifted enough to undo his own pants.

“I was joking Jem, you don't have to...” He was cut off by Jem's lips lightly pressing against his own.

“I'm not doing this to prove anything. It's just... I want you to see me like this, and my pants are rather confining at the moment.” Averting his eyes, Jem somehow managed to confess his desire for Will to see him without blushing.

Too stunned from the kiss to do anything but nod, Will watched as Jem pushed his pants down enough to expose himself, proving that Will was truly bigger than his friend.

“Jem...” Will hesitated, as Jem's eyes met his once more. “Before you... do you want to try something else first?”

“What do you have in mind, Will?” Jem asked shyly, wondering exactly how far Will was expecting to take things.

“Come here.” Laying back, Will let Jem climb up on top of him. “Straddle my hips...” Jem blushed and shyly dropped his eyes. “Not like that! I'm not asking you too...” Will blushed as he realized that Jem thought he was asking for sex, for Jem to ride him. “I just want to try rubbing our cocks together.”

Understanding, Jem nodded and straddled Will's hips and thighs- after removing his pants completely and unbuttoning his shirt. Then he wrapped one hand around Will as he coaxed Will's hand around him.

Will couldn't help but gasp slightly as he stroked Jem lightly; the feel of holding the other boy's cock in his hand was nothing like holding his own. For the first time, he could appreciate the hard yet silky feel of the organ without being distracted by pleasure. Removing his hand, he licked the tips of his pointer and middle fingers, then gently rubbed the wet digits over the very tip of Jem's cock. “Does that feel good?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, it feels really good.” Jem let his head fall back as he let out small sounds of pleasure.

“I think Colin was right.” Jem jolted back upright at his other lover's name.

“A-about what?” He stammered, disconcerted by Will casually mentioning Colin when they were in bed together.

“That you're too sensitive down here for oral stimulation. When I do this to myself, yes it feels good, but my reaction is nothing like yours just was. You looked like you were about to cum just from me rubbing your tip a bit. And this is fairly minor as far as stimulation goes. Anything significantly more intense than this... yeah I can see it feeling so good that it hurts.” Jem looked away guiltily and Will made the connection. “That's why you offered to blow me. Because you're still worried that you're not normal... Jem, look at me.” Will reached over and grabbed Jem's chin, forcing the silver haired boy to look at him. “There is nothing wrong with you. You're perfect, just as you are now.”

“Except for my drug addiction problem.” Jem lowered his eyes, still trying to avoid Will's gaze. He just could not believe that there wasn't something horribly wrong with him- didn't his yin fen dependency mean that there was, because he wasn't strong enough to resist?

“Even that. Jem, that has made you the boy you are today, and I love that person. Not romantically...” Will blushed as he realized that he sounded like he was confessing to being in love with Jem. “But as my friend, and brother... well, okay, maybe not as a brother, but as a friend and lover. But I'm not in love with you, don't worry about that.”

Jem laughed as Will hastily corrected himself. “I love you too Will, but in the same way you described. If I'm in love with anyone, it's Colin, not you. Despite wanting to do this with you ever since I had to...” Jem trailed off, blushing hard.

“Ever since... What?” Will realized at that moment what Jem was likely referring to. “Ever since you had to help me urinate? Yeah, I guess that would have been the first time you touched another guys manhood.”

“Yes, it was. I loved feeling you in my hand, even soft, more than I let on at the time. Only how embarrassing the situation was kept me from getting hard.”

“I was actively fighting not to get hard at that time too. That was before I realized that you like boys instead of girls. Had I known... Well, who knows what would have happened...” He broke off gasping as Jem stroked the tip of his shaft down the length of Will's to shut him up. Moving closer, he rubbed his entire length against Will's, thrusting his hips gently to gain momentum. Holding back his own pleasure, Jem waited until Will's hips started twitching, eager for more stimulation, then he quickly pulled away, lowering his upper body as he did so.

“Jem! Where are you- Oh God!” Will exclaimed in surprise as Jem swallowed the head of his cock, one hand around Will's base, the other underneath himself. Unable to see what Jem's hidden hand was doing, he could only surmise that it was stroking Jem's cock based on the pleasure moans that vibrated Jem's throat around the tip of his shaft.

Leaning back, Will gave himself over to the building pressure, amazed at how good Jem was at this since it was only his second time sucking a man off. Alternating suction with long strokes of his tongue, Jem quickly drove his friend crazy with lust and pleasure. Will thrust his hips involuntarily, forcing Jem to hold him still, and moaned wantonly, as his hands grasped the back of Jem's neck and shoulders tightly to prevent him from withdrawing his mouth. Not that Jem wanted to, even as his jaw ached from Will's size.

“Jem! Jem, I'm gonna... JEM!” Screaming his parabatai's name, Will came, spilling hot seed down Jem's throat. Prepared for the taste now, Jem swallowed all of the semen without thought, or gagging on the intense taste. But he couldn't help but cough slightly as he pulled back after licking the last drops from Will's tip.

“Jem!” Alarmed, Will reached behind him, but was stopped.

“I'm okay. It's just that Colin didn't come in my mouth so I wasn't fully prepared for it.”

“Oh.” Will blushed as he realized what Jem was saying. “So... you don't like the taste?”

“I didn't say that. Actually, I do like the taste of semen, it's just a very... intense flavor.” Jem explained quietly.

“Ah, I see.” He realized something then. “You were touching yourself while you were using your mouth on me, right? Did you...?”

“Come? No, I was too focused on not hurting you for that. It's hard to not use teeth while doing... that.” Jem confessed shyly.

“I thought as much. Well, not the part about not using your teeth, but the rest... Come here.” He patted the bed beside him.

A moment later, they were lying down on the bed, facing each other, Will's hand stroking Jem's shaft as he tried to get Jem off. “I want to do to you what you did to me, but I know that it would just hurt you.”

Jem said nothing, too lost in his building orgasm to register what Will had said. Smirking, Will increased his pace, and soon had Jem spurting cum all over his hand. 

As Jem recovered, Will lifted his semen soaked hand to his mouth and, tentatively, lapped up some of the milky fluid.

“How do I taste?” Will blushed as he realized Jem had noticed what he'd done. Covering up his embarrassment, Will laughed and offered Jem a taste.

“Find out for yourself.” Will didn't expect Jem to want to drink his own cum, so he was surprised to feel Jem's tongue tracing the line of his palm as he licked off some of the semen pooling there.

“Jem... Fuck that's hot!” Jem's eyes met his and the knowledge of what effect his actions had on Will lit them up. Will watched, his cock twitching, as Jem licked his entire hand clean. “Damn... I'm already ready for another round-” He broke off yawning, the lateness of the hour finally catching up with him, and the intensity of his orgasm had left him feeling sexually exhausted.

“Get to bed, Will. Oh, and I think you're a liar.” Jem's eyes glittered mischievously as he accused Will of lying.

“I am not! What did I ever lie to you about?” Will deadpanned, dreading what Jem would accuse him of lying about.

“You lied when you said you had had sex with a woman, didn't you? You were acting like I was the first person to ever touch you sexually. Is that true? Am I?”

Will sighed, dropping his gaze for a moment, before meeting Jem's eyes again with calm deliberateness. “Yes, I lied about having sex. I kissed a girl, once, when I was about ten. But that's it. Aside from tonight, I have never been with anyone sexually.”

Jem only smiled as Will confessed the truth, but, to Will's eternal gratitude, he did not ask why Will had lied about his experience.

“Anyway, I should get going. As much as I'd like to sleep here, with you this time.” Both boys smiled as they remembered that Will had been sleeping alone in Jem's bed earlier that evening. “But it would not do to be caught here in the morning, not after what we did.” Climbing out of bed, Will quickly dressed himself, as Jem pulled on his nightshirt. “So... I'll see you at breakfast. Goodnight, James.” Will's use of Jem's full first name did not go unnoticed as he left the room.

“Goodnight, William.” Jem called as he closed the door behind him and turned his steps towards the tower where his own bedroom was located.


	6. Colin

After waiting outside for nearly ten minutes after nine o'clock had come and gone, Colin began to pace, worried. He feared that something bad had happened to Jem. Never once did he suspect that Jem was standing him up deliberately, though; not after what had happened between them the night before.

Suddenly, he spun around, certain he had heard hurried footsteps approaching from the adjacent alley. His worried frown turned into a happy smile as Jem ran around the corner, almost colliding with him.

“Jem! You're late! I thought...” He wanted desperately to reassure himself that it was really Jem, but he could not kiss him here. “What happened?”

Panting, Jem had to take a moment to catch his breath before he could reply. “I got sent out, with Will, to track down a rogue warlock. The same one that was responsible for the Ravener demon that attacked you. By the time that was done and we were back at the Institute...” Colin's eyes widened fractionally in curiosity at the mention of the Institute, since Jem had not mentioned it before. “It was already eight,” Jem continued, “and it took me the better part of an hour to find a chance to sneak away again. None of the others thought it wise for me to do anything other than rest after the fight.” He finished, oblivious to his slip-up.

“The Institute?” Colin asked, and Jem realized the mistake he had made.

“Yeah, it's the place I call home.” Jem shifted, wondering how much to tell Colin.

“I heard Will mention it when we first met. Before you walked me home.” Colin mentioned casually.

Jem sighed. “I should explain. Will and I are not human, not entirely at any rate. We belong to a race of beings called the Nephilim, or Shadowhunters to use the more common term. We can claim both human and angelic heritage. The Nephilim were created by the archangel Raziel as angelic warriors here on earth to protect the common humans, which we call Mundanes, from the threat of demonic invasion. The Institutes are our main centers of operations, as well as residences for any Shadowhunter visiting a city without any other place to stay. Or, in the case of Will and myself, for Shadowhunters orphaned or left with no known family and in need of shelter until they come of age at the age of eighteen.”

“So you're saying that Will lives at the Institute with you?” Colin's eyes briefly narrowed with suspicion, but he shook it off. He had no evidence that Jem's relationship with Will was sexual in nature, in fact, the evidence indicated quite the opposite, and yet he could not help but feel jealous of the other boy.

“We... we should finish this conversation somewhere more private?” There was a glint in Jem's eye as he spoke that suggested that he was eager to go upstairs to Colin's room for a very different reason than to simply talk.

“Let's walk around a bit first. There's something I wish to show you.” Colin started walking away from the apartment block without waiting for Jem's reply.

Hurrying to catch up with his lover, Jem wondered what Colin wanted to show him. “What is it?”

Ignoring the question, Colin changed the subject. “When your family was attacked in Shanghai, was that in a house like you'd said? Or another one of your Institutes?”

Jem sighed, hating the question but willing to answer it. “An Institute, which made the attack worse, in a way. Institutes are warded so demons cannot get in- how Yanluo did is still a mystery.” Jem paused for a moment, then shook his head. “I was never told how she made her attack if the Shadowhunter Council did figure out how she entered. My parents ran the Shanghai Institute until I was twelve...”

“Ran? Past tense?” Colin was confused. It was then he realized that Jem had referred to himself as an orphan earlier. “They... they didn't survive the attack, did they?”

Jem shook his head 'no', the memory rendering him temporarily unable to speak.

“Did you... see it happen? Were they..?” He broke off, unable to ask if Jem's parents had been murdered in front of him.

“Yes.” Jem whispered the word. Colin glanced around, then hugged Jem when he saw that they were alone.

“Jem... I'm so sorry!” Stroking his friends back, he tried to erase the painful memory by sheer force of will from Jem's mind.

Jem pulled away, knowing that he would start crying if Colin kept comforting him like that. “I've never told anyone but Will that story before.” He confessed softly. Wiping at his eyes, Jem then repeated his earlier question. “What do you want to show me?”

“This.” Colin gestured around him.

Glancing around, Jem saw that they had walked out into the middle of a bridge. “Blackfriars bridge? What's so special about it?” Jem asked, confused.

“It's quiet here; everyone thinks the train tracks ruin the view so no one comes here really. And it's peaceful, you can watch the moon's reflection in the water and not be bothered-” He was cut of by Jem's mouth slanting down over his own.

“What was that for?” He asked as they broke apart again. “Not that I minded, or anything.” He quickly added, causing Jem to laugh.

“You're right, the view is spectacular from here, even with those ugly tracks.” But Jem wasn't gazing at the view from the bridge, but rather at the boy standing in front of him. Neither glanced around as both were confidant that they were alone.

“I wish we could make love here; out in the open with no need to hide our feelings from the world.” Colin whispered, blushing slightly.

“That would be nice. But we can't. It would be scandalous if we were caught; and it's likely that we would be. Policemen are bound to patrol this bridge even if no one else comes by here.” Jem leaned in to steal another kiss... just as he heard footsteps approach them from behind. Spinning around he found himself face to face with... Will!

“Jem! Sorry to interrupt, but you're needed back at the Institute! Emergency meeting, and they know that you snuck out, so you're bound to be questioned as to why.” Will explained hurriedly, his cheeks a shade too pink to be just from him being out of breath, indicating that he realized exactly what he was interrupting.

“What's going on?” Jem asked, concerned.

“They found out you're having sex with Colin and...” Jem went pale, and Colin gasped, causing Will to burst out laughing. “I'm joking! Relax, they have no idea that you're having sex with anyone.” Jem punched his shoulder, hard, not finding the joke funny in the least.

“Will! Seriously, what's the emergency?”

“Do you remember the warlock we hunted down tonight? Well, it turns out he had a coven of followers, and they've threatened the Institute! The meeting is to decide what course of action we will take next.” Will explained like it was no big deal for warlocks to threaten the Institute.

“I see... Will, can you give us a moment?” Jem asked, wishing to kiss Colin again before he left, but shy about doing so in front of Will.

“Don't take too long.” Will turned and walked to the far end of the bridge, where he leaned against the post and pretended to watch the moon.

“Colin, this may mean that I won't be able to see you for a good while. But I'll come see you again as soon as I can, so wait for me.”

Stepping closer, Colin embraced Jem. “Make it as soon as possible, okay? I miss you every second that we're apart. Jem, I think that I-” Jem cut him off once more with a kiss, not ready to hear a love confession. Pulling back, he whispered; “I'll be missing you, as well.” Then he hurried off to follow Will back to the Institute.


	7. Will

As Will waited, he could not help but feel a searing stab of jealously at the thought that Jem's lips were kissing Colin's rather than his own. Jem was his parabatai, his best friend, and now... lover? Did the events of the night before make them lovers? Will was uncertain, but he did know that unless he fought for Jem's affection it would all go to Colin rather than to him. And even Jem's love; Will wasn't stupid, he could see that love was already beginning to blossom between Jem and Colin, despite the fact that they hadn't even known each other for a week yet.

“Let's go!” Jem touched his elbow as he walked past him towards the Institute. As he followed Jem, he rubbed his elbow unconsciously, as though Jem's touch burned him.

“I didn't know that you were into public displays like that.” Will teased, just to break the silence.

Jem froze and blushed. “Will! I...” Jem stuttered, as he resumed walking.

“Well, you were kissing another boy on a public bridge, where anyone could see. And no, I didn't watch. I didn't need to watch to know that you two were kissing.” Will heard a touch of jealously creep into his voice and swallowed hard. He didn't want Jem knowing how he truly felt about Colin.

“Yes, we were kissing, but no one else saw! No one was around besides the two of us and Colin.” Jem hoped he sounded more sure of that then he felt; they hadn't bothered to check, just assumed that they were alone.

“What were you planning to do had I not interrupted you? Were you going to spend the night in his bed again?” Will asked, hoping he only sounded mildly curious.

Jem stropped walking entirely. “Will! I- Yes, I was hoping that we would... but I wasn't going to spend the entire night with him. Or rather I'm not planning on falling asleep in his bed again.” Turning, Jem studied his friend's face. “Are you...? Will, are you jealous of Colin? That it's his bed I wish to be in and not... yours?”

Will laughed, but it sounded forced. “Jem! You're my best friend, why should I be jealous of Colin? I do not love you, not like that at any rate.”

“Maybe not. But I am the only person you've allowed to be close to you emotionally since you left home and came to the Institute. I'm 'safe' for you to be around... and that includes our beds. We have slept in the same bed. Well, not so much these days, but when we were younger we did. Yes, I think you have every reason to be jealous of the fact that Colin is now competing with you for my affection and attention.” Jem commented, summing up Will's feelings perfectly.

“Jem...” Will sighed. “Fine. Yes I am jealous of Colin. Of the fact that your sharing your body with him... Had last night not happened I might not be so jealous of him now, but... God help me, but I want you to share your body with me and not with him! I don't want you to fall in love with him! However...” Will glanced down, then back up, meeting Jem's eyes. “I do want you to be happy, so I promise that I won't say anything to Colin directly about all this.”

Letting out a breath that he had not realized he was holding, Jem gave his friend a relieved smile. “Thank you.” He then jumped in surprise as Will kissed him. Pushing Will away, Jem stepped hastily back. “We can't! Last night was a mistake... nothing else can happen between us while I'm seeing Colin.”

“I know, I just... forget it!” Will muttered, as he brushed past Jem. “Anyway, we need to really hurry now. Charlotte will be wondering what we're up to, being out so long.” He walked as fast as he could, feeling more than seeing Jem follow him silently until they saw the Institute loom up in front of them.

Suddenly, Jem stopped. “Will! What are we going to tell Charlotte about why I left?”

Will shrugged. “That you were restless and wanted some fresh air. Even if she doesn't believe us, there's no evidence that there's more to tell than that, and so long as we insist that that's all there is to it, well...” Will shrugged again.

“She'll have no evidence against us.” Jem finished, relaxing. Hardening his resolve, Jem strode up to the doors of the Institute, and opened them, Will following close behind him.

“James Carstairs! And what exactly is the meaning of this?” Charlotte's voice rang out from the shadows near the stairs to the main floor of the Institute.

“I wanted some fresh air.” Jem replied, calmly.

“You need to rest after fighting demons! I can't have you wandering off alone...” Charlotte broke off, sighing. “In the future, if you must go out for a walk and some fresh air, make sure you take Will along with you. If you were to have an attack... you could... it would be bad if you were alone.” Charlotte finished, unable to say the word 'die'.

Jem's body seemed to want to relax and tense at the same time- relax out of relief that she wasn't mad, tense with guilt that he'd made her so worried. “I'm sorry for worrying you, and yes I will take Will along with me in the future. Or Thomas, perhaps, should Will be unavailable.” Jem added, just for the sake of naming a backup. He had no intention of going anywhere with Thomas that wasn't for an assignment, or shopping trip.

But Charlotte did not know that, and readily agreed that Thomas could also accompany him, if need be. Then Jem followed Will and Charlotte up the steps and into the Institute itself.


	8. Jem

It was almost two weeks before Jem could slip away, with Will in tow to appease Charlotte, and see Colin again. In the end, they had done nothing about the coven of Warlocks except alert the Consul to the threat. The Consul had then had each of them tracked down, and no one in the Institute knew what had happened next.

The Consul had also send additional Shadowhunters to the Institute to guard against attack, and it was only now that the last one had been dealt with that they'd been left alone again.

“Will...” Jem trailed off, and turned down a side street to avoid unwelcome eyes as the two boys hurried to Colin's flat. Or rather, while Jem hurried to his lover's flat, and Will tagged along until it was safe for them to split up. 

“What, are you feeling scared, or...guilty?” Will smiled at Jem causing the silver haired boy to blush. They had ended up sharing a bed for several nights of the past two weeks, though nothing had actually happened between them. Well, nothing serious at any rate, though Will had, a few times, masturbated in front of Jem, hoping that it would lead to more. The only effect it had was that Jem had become rather aroused, but he'd still refused to fool around further with Will.

“No, it's just that... I hope he waited like I asked him to, like I did, and hasn't found someone new.” Jem paused, then added. “I hope he's home, I never even send him a message.”

“Though you wrote him several. The only problem was lack of a messenger.” Will was the only one to whom Jem would have entrusted a message to Colin, and he'd been hesitant to ask knowing his parabatai's jealousy towards his lover.

Will sighed and glanced around, noting that they were now about a block away from Colin's building. “Well, I'm off to find an open bar or something. Come find me when you and Colin are all done fuc-” Jem cut him off by swatting at him, knowing what Will had been about to say.

“Don't use that word! It's not very polite.” Jem said, blushing and laughing.

Will only laughed, winked at Jem, and took off down the side-street, heading away from Colin's building, as Jem turned to walk the opposite direction. Walking slowly now, he tried to slow his racing heart, and convince himself that Colin would still want to see him.

After letting himself into the building, he headed upstairs towards Colin's room. He knocked on the door as soon as he reached it, not giving himself time to chicken out.

“Yes, who...” Colin broke off his question as he opened the door, seeing that it was Jem. “Oh, hello Jem.” He stepped back so that Jem could enter.

“Colin... I'm sorry-” Whatever Jem had been about to say was lost as Colin flung himself into the Shadowhunter's arms the second the door was closed, kissing him passionately.

Immediately, Jem kissed Colin back, wrapping his arms tightly around the older boy's waist. They didn't break apart until the need for fresh air forced them to. “I missed you.” Colin whispered breathlessly against Jem's lips.

“I missed you, as well.” Jem replied between quick feather soft kisses. Then Colin pulled himself out of Jem's arms so he could walk over to the bed.

“I can't stay for very long, an hour at the most.” Jem whispered, catching Colin from behind just as he reached his bed.

“So then you don't want to waste time talking?” Batting his eyes, the brown-haired boy teased his lover, then he pushed his ass slowly down Jem's groin.

Gasping at the unexpected friction, Jem spun Colin around and pushed him down onto the bed, climbing up after him to straddle his hips.

“No... God knows I should, but I don't want to wait any longer.” Jem leaned down and claimed another passionate kiss. Halfway through, Colin bucked his hips up and managed to flipped them over, so Jem was on his back underneath him. Hands tore at clothing, fumbling to undo buttons and sliding up under shirts to trace over heated flesh.

“This isn't working.” Colin laughed as he broke the kiss to breath. Then he leaned back and swiftly shed his shirt and, standing, slid off his pants and underwear.

Jem watched, open mouthed and eager, as his boyfriend got undressed, and climbed back up onto the bed naked. “You need to undress too, for this to work.” He teased, nipping at Jem's earlobe, liking how distracted he made Jem simply by undressing in front of him.

“Wha- Oh! Right.” Blushing, Jem sat up to remove his shirt as Colin's hands worked first his belt and then his pants open. Lifting his hips, he let Colin slid his remaining clothing off, after the older boy had stopped to remove his shoes and socks. 

“You're beautiful.” Colin whispered, as his gaze ran over Jem's nude form. Leaning forward once more, he lightly draped his own body over Jem's.

“Take me.” Jem whispered into his lover's ear, causing the older boy to look at him sharply.

“Are you sure?” Colin asked, surprised. The last time Jem had been in his bed, the teen had been shy and nervous about his inexperience, willing to follow but not to lead. So it was surprising that Jem was trying to push things further than they'd gone before.

Jem only nodded though. “Yeah, I've been thinking about you almost constantly while we were apart, and... fantasizing.” Blushing, he decided not to add that he'd also been getting teased mercilessly by Will when they were alone. Even though nothing had come of the teasing, he'd reacted to Will and didn't know if Colin would count that as cheating or not... and he was scared to find out for fear that it would turn out to be the latter.

“What were you fantasizing about, exactly?” Colin asked, curiously.

“About us... having sex.” Jem paused, blushing harder. “I'd imagine you slipping into my room at night, even though you could never enter the Institute on your own, and waking me up with kisses and caresses. Then you'd climb on top of me and...” Jem broke off.

“And then I'd... what? Push your legs apart and take your virginity?” Colin said it flippantly, and was surprised when Jem nodded again.

“Or sometimes, in my mind, we'd meet in a deserted alley, and I'd drop my pants while facing the wall, and let you take me from behind.” And, sometimes, you'd turn into Will halfway through the fantasy. He only thought the last bit, though.

“Do you touch yourself when you think about me? Anally, I mean.” Colin clarified, blushing slightly.

“Yeah, I do.” Impatient with talking, Jem then pulled Colin down for another kiss, wrapping one of his legs around his lovers waist as he did so.

Feeling incredibly turned on just from thinking about Jem playing with his ass while fantasizing about him, Colin found himself lightly thrusting into Jem's stomach, and forced himself to pull back.

“What's wrong?” Jem frowned, worried that he'd scared Colin off by being too eager.

“Nothing's wrong... I'm just gonna cum if we don't stop for a moment.” Colin replied, panting slightly.

“Oh...” Jem's eyes widened as he realized that he'd had the exact opposite effect on Colin. “Lie down on your back.”

“What for?” Colin asked, confused.

“I'll suck you off. Since it will take some time to prep me for entry...” Jem lowered his voice seductively so Colin would not miss his meaning. “You'll have plenty of time to recover from your orgasm. And I don't want you to cum right after entering me, either. If you did, then I wouldn't have time to enjoy it.” He explained, but secretly, he just really wanted to have Colin's cock in his mouth again.

“Oh...” Colin was speechless. “I... I didn't think about that...” Blushing, he did as Jem had asked, and lay down so that Jem could use his mouth on him.

Straddling his lover's hips once more, Jem leaned down and stole another quick kiss from his lips, before kissing his way down Colin's chest and stomach. He paused only once, to toy with Colin's nipples, then he resumed his downward journey. Avoiding Colin's crotch, he kissed his way down to the other boys thigh, nipping lightly at the sensitive skin where the thigh and groin met.

“Stop teasing and start sucking already.” Colin groaned, frustrated that Jem was touching everything but what he'd said he would.

But Jem only laughed, and ran the tip of his tongue lightly up the underside of Colin's cock, then drew just the head into his mouth. Sucking gently, he swirled his tongue over the very tip before sucking the rest of the length down in one go.

Colin feathered his fingers through Jem's hair as he urged Jem to keep going. Swallowing a few times to keep himself from gagging, Jem pulled back partially so he could breath, then deepthroated his lover again, humming softly to vibrate his throat around Colin's length.

Gasping at the unexpected sensation, Colin found himself too aroused to hold himself back for long, and spilled his seed down Jem's throat moment's later.

Jem laughed silently as he pulled back to lap the remaining seed from Colin's tip. “That didn't last very long.”

“No... I'm sorry, I wanted to... it's just...” Colin broke off, blushing hard.

“You were too aroused to hold back.” Jem lay down on top of Colin. “I... I don't want you to hold back with me. If you want to cum, then cum.” He whispered softly.

“So you're not embarrassed that I came so fast?” Colin asked, his voice thick with his own embarrassment.

“Not at all. Actually, I expected that you would.” Jem rolled over, pulling Colin down on top of him. “And anyway, this way you can last longer while you're inside my ass.” Jem added without a hint of embarrassment.

Nodding, Colin leaned over and fished a bottle of massage oil out of the drawer of his bedside table. “This might feel a bit weird, but it should help reduce the pain of having anal sex.” He explained, uncapping it and squirting some of the oil onto his fingers. Then he spread Jem's legs and slid a finger inside his opening.

Gasping, Jem's back arched up off the bed at the pleasure of being penetrated. When the next two fingers did not cause Jem excessive pain, Colin removed his hand and rubbed some of the oil onto his freshly hardened length. “Ready?”

Jem nodded, then asked; “How do you want to do this?”

After a moment of consideration, Colin replied; “Maybe you should lie on your stomach; it'll be easier for me to access your ass that way, and hopefully that will mean it will hurt less for you.”

Nodding again, Jem rolled over, and Colin slid a pillow under his hips to raise them and get a better angle. Then he knelt between Jem's spread legs, leaning forward so that his arms were braced on either side of Jem's torso. He shifted his weight slightly so that he could use his hand to guide himself into Jem.

Gasping again, Jem pushed back against Colin as the older boy entered him, his ass muscles stretching further than they'd been stretched before. Pain lanced through him, but he found the pain oddly arousing, enjoyable even, and the sensation of having a cock fill his ass was better than he'd ever imagined that it would feel, causing him to writhe underneath Colin.

Confused, Colin paused after he'd fully sheathed himself. “Jem... doesn't this hurt?”

“Yes, it hurts, but... it's a good kind of hurt... I can't explain it.” Jem would have blushed, but he was too aroused for that.

“Are... Jem, are you saying that you like pain?” Colin's eyes widened as his mind explored what that would mean.

Jem thought for a long moment before replying. “Yes... I think I am saying that.”

Swallowing hard, Colin pulled out almost all the way and slammed himself hack into Jem, harder than he'd planned to go right away, but Jem cried out in pleasure, not in pain. Pushing aside any lingering doubts, Colin set a hard pace, truly fucking Jem rather than making love to him, but both boys liked it that way. 

Both tried to hold back as long as they could, but their mutual inexperience, coupled with the fast pace proved to undo their efforts, and Jem felt his orgasm begin to build in the pit of his stomach after only a few minutes of being ridden. Each stroke of Colin's cock against his insides built the warm pressure up further and further, until, without warning, he felt himself be pushed over the edge, and he came harder than he'd ever come before, without his cock having been touched once.

Colin tried to hold back, but Jem's muscles clamped tightly around his length as Jem came, and he was unable to resist the pressure, and spilled his own seed deep within Jem's body for the second time that night. Then he collapsed, spent, against Jem's back.

They lay there, for several minutes, simply relearning how to breath. Colin moved first, shifting so he was lying beside Jem rather than on top of him. “So, how was that? Better than you'd expected?”

Jem nodded. “Much better... of course...” Jem broke off, laughing nervously.

“What is it?” Colin frowned at Jem's odd mood.

“I never thought that anyone could like pain like that... does that mean that...” He was cut off by Colin's lips pressing against his.

“Jem! Stop it! There is nothing wrong with you! It's uncommon, but I have heard of whores who enjoy pain. I'd thought that they were just pretending, or exaggerating things, but now I wonder. I think that, maybe, some people are wired to enjoy what would just hurt another. Just another way in which each human is different from every other human.”

“You really think so?” Jem relaxed as Colin soothed his fears.

“Yes, I do.” They kissed gently for a long moment, then Jem slid of the bed, and stood shakily, as his legs were still weak from having anal sex and the force of his orgasm. “Jem...”

“I need to go. Charlotte will wonder what Will and I are up to if we...”

“Will! What about him?” Colin bolted upright as Jem mentioned the other boy's name.

Sitting down again, Jem quickly explained that, because of his condition, Charlotte did not want him going out alone, and Will was to accompany him when he did want to go for a walk.

“Of course, only Will knows that when I say I want to go for a walk, that I really mean that I want to spend time with you. We split up half way here, so I can be alone with you, yet maintain the illusion that I'm simply strolling through town with Will.”

“Oh, I see.” Colin blushed, embarrassed that he'd been jealous of Will. There was nothing to be jealous of... or was there? He could not help but feel that Jem was not telling him something. But he chose not to pry.

“So you really do have to hurry back then?” He asked, feigning tears.

“Yes, I do. I'm sorry that I can't stay the night.” Jem added, hugging Colin.

“It's okay, I understand.” Without speaking another word, Colin watched Jem get dressed again, and leave, shutting the door softly behind him.

Once outside, Jem pulled his stele and a pen that Will had given him out of his pocket and, gripping the pen firmly with his left hand, traced a tracking rune on the back of his hand with the stele. Satisfied, he put both the pen and the stele back into his pocket and headed off to meet up with Will.


	9. Will

“Will!” Jem cried out as he saw his friend. Hastily, he tried to pull up his pants, but Colin forced him against the wall, and began taking him from behind. “No! Colin stop! Colin...!” But the other boy wouldn't, he just kept pumping his length in and out of Jem's ass, oblivious to Jem's cries and the fact that Will was watching them.

Moving towards them, Will tore Colin away from Jem, then pushed him into the darkness of the night. Colin's body was swallowed up by the darkness, as Jem collapsed into Will's arms, sobbing. “Will, I'm sorry, I should never have let him do that to me. I only want to be with you like that! Will, I love you.” Still crying, Jem reached up and touched his lips to Will's...

Just as Will pushed the memory of the dream away from him. In his heart, he knew that Jem loved Colin, and Will had no real chance with his friend. He was also confused as to why he'd been dreaming about Jem confessing love for Will rather than Colin, because he was not in love with Jem...

Or was he?

Will didn't know. All he knew was that he found Jem extremely attractive, and wanted to have sex with him. Swallowing hard, he tried to suppress his feelings of jealously for Colin, as Jem joined him at the table in the small French cafe.

“We have a problem.” Jem whispered frantically as he sat down.

Jolting out of his thoughts, Will looked at Jem's face, noting for the first time that his parabatai was close to panicking. 

“Jem? Did something happen with Colin?” Will asked, hoping that nothing bad had happened. Ever since Jem had first had sex with Colin, Will had been noticing an extraordinary number of iratze runes on Jem's arms, but his friend was not acting like he was being abused. Quite the opposite, besides the runes, Jem gave every impression of being in a happy and healthy relationship. Will did not know what to make of it, and had never asked, nor had Jem told him what was going on.

“Yes and no. Colin's involved, but we're not fighting or anything like that.” Jem took a deep breath, then continued. “He decided to walk me part way here, when we were done, well you know.” Jem blushed slightly. “And we ducked into a dark alley to share one last kiss.”

Will frowned slightly. “What's the problem, then?”

“We were seen, by Gabriel Lightwood. He saw me clearly, but Colin was partially hidden by the shadows. All Gabriel really saw was me kissing another boy. Will, Colin is the same general height and build as you. Add in his dark hair, and the fact that Gabriel never saw his face clearly...”

“He might have though that I was the boy you were kissing?” Will froze. He knew that Colin vaguely resembled him, since they both had dark hair and were the same approximate height and weight. But the resemblance ended there, as Colin's looks were Mediterranean rather than English or Welsh.

Jem nodded. “We thought we were alone, so we weren't being that careful.” Swallowing, Jem added, “I wanted to talk to Gabriel, explain what was happening, but he took off before I got a chance.”

“Shit!” Will swore under his breath.

“What should we do? Will... I'm scared...” Jem reached under the table and clasped Will's hand, causing the black-haired boys heart to skip a beat.

“Nothing. We do nothing unless were asked about this. Then we tell the truth, that it was Colin you were kissing. They have no way of knowing that we really did...” Both boys blushed as they remembered what they'd done that night in Jem's bed.

“Break the law.” Jem whispered after a moment of silence. He sighed. “The look that was in his eyes... Will, I am certain that he mistook Colin for you. Do you think he'll tell anyone?”

“No, I don't.” Will responded, sounding more certain that he felt. “You said he never actually saw Colin's face, which means that he won't be able to prove that it was me you were with in the alley. At best, all he can prove is that you were kissing a boy who might have been me, Jem. And all the Lightwoods like to be completely certain that a law has been broken before they report it. At least, Benedict Lightwood is like that, and if Gabriel's going to tell anyone what he saw, it will be his father.” Squeezing Jem's hand gently, Will pulled away and stood. “Anyway, it's getting late. We should head back to the Institute.”

“So your saying that all he can prove is that I'm a pervert who likes kissing boys?” Jem asked as he also stood, and followed Will outside.

“Yes, and I'm pretty sure that it's not actually against the law to like the same sex. It's not encouraged, so I'd say that you should fear being ostracized, but...”

“I already am, because of my illness.” Jem finished, shrugging. He tugged his sleeve down, hiding yet another iratze.

“Is Colin hitting you?” The question burst from Will before he realized what he was saying.

Jem froze, then turned towards Will. “Why do you ask?” His tone was carefully nonchalant.

“I've just been noticing that your frequently covered in iratze runes after seeing him, runes which you try to hide even from me.”

“Oh, that.” Jem actually blushed. “It's... not what you think, Will.” He broke off.

Will was confused. Why was Jem blushing? “Then what is it? If he's not hitting you...”

“I never said that he was not hitting me, just that it's not what you think. He does hit me, but only when I ask him to.” Jem explained slowly, his blush deepening.

“Why would you ask him to hit you?” Will was even more confused now.

“Because I... I like pain, Will. I like it when he hits me, but only... during sex.” He whispered the last two words so softly that Will almost didn't catch him.

But he did. His own face heated up as he realized exactly what Jem was trying to tell him. “Oh!” Will laughed, embarrassed, and somewhat aroused.

“So... he's never hit you when you weren't... you know.”

“No. Only during... or as foreplay. And never to actually hurt me; if he crosses the line from pleasure-pain to pure pain and I tell him to stop he does.”

Will relaxed. Part of him wished that he'd never asked Jem about the runes, but most of him was glad that his friend was not in an abusive relationship. “That explains it, then.”

“Explains what?” It was Jem's turn to be confused.

“Why you never acted like he was abusing you, and yet you felt the need to apply the runes to yourself.” Will felt his own blush deepen.

“I also like being tied up.” Jem added casually, absently rubbing his left wrist, as he recalled the way the rope had bit into his skin earlier.

“Okay, that I did not need to know!” Will glared at Jem, who only laughed.

Playfully swatting Jem, Will laughed as well, and they finished the walk back to the Institute in silence. Once inside, instead of going to his own room like normal, Jem followed Will to his room.

“Jem...” Will tried to think of a way to gently tell Jem that he wanted to be alone.

“I need to talk to you about something, and I don't want anyone else to overhear.” Jem whispered, his eyes pleading with Will to let him come inside for a few minutes.

Will sighed, and nodded, letting Jem enter his bedroom. They had not been alone together at night since Jem had started being more serious about Colin, and had started turning down Will's advances more forcefully. As Jem had gown closer to Colin, he had begun pulling away, distancing himself from Will. Both boys had noticed this, but neither knew what to do since Will's jealousy towards Colin was the cause of Jem wanting to distance himself from Will.

“What is it?” Will asked, sitting down at his desk as Jem leaned against the closed door.

“I told Colin what we did, after I found you asleep in my bed.”

“What? Why would you tell him that?”

“Because...” Jem blushed hard. “Do you remember me mentioning a boy named Andy?”

“Andy? Wasn't he the one who called you a rent boy?” Will asked, concerned.

“Yes, that's him. Two weeks ago he dropped by Colin's flat again, while I was there. Only this time he was sober, and, when he saw me, he apologized for what he'd said the first time we'd met. That he'd only said it because he was jealous of how pretty a boy I am. He then asked Colin if he could have sex with me.”

“He wanted you to go back to his room with him?” Will asked, surprise.

“No, he meant then and there, in front of Colin. Colin asked me if I was okay with it, and I said yes, so I let Andy...” Jem broke off, blushing even harder, his face impossibly red by now.

“Was Colin jealous?” Will asked, even more surprised by what Jem was saying. He was also confused as to where Jem was going with this.

“No, he liked it. He actually got off on watching us... and I liked that he was watching me mess around with Andy. Afterwards, we talked about it and figured out that Colin's a voyeur, and I'm an exhibitionist; but not the other way around. When I tried to watch Andy fuck Colin, I just felt jealous and slightly bored, and Colin told me that he'd found it embarrassing to have sex in front of me.” Jem laughed slightly, then continued. “I mentioned what we'd done together while we were talking about the menage-a-trois with Andy.” Jem broke off, blushing impossibly hard, as Will's mind connected the dots.

“And he gave you permission to have sex with me?” Will asked, incredulous.

“Yes, so long as he gets to watch. You're welcome to join us next time I head over to his place.” Jem smiled, happy that Will had realized where he was going, without him having to actually finish what he'd been saying.

Will thought about what was being offered. He could have sex with Jem, but it would be outside the safety of the Institute, in front of another boy. True, it was a mundane boy who was in love with Jem, but it still added to the danger of being caught. Suddenly, Will laughed.

“What's so funny?” Jem asked, cocking his head to the side.

“I just realized that I'm worrying more about the added risks of having sex with you in Colin's flat, in front of him, than I am about actually having sex with you in front of him. That part doesn't bother me in the least.” Breaking off, Will breathed deeply to stop the laughter that still wanted to bubble out of him. “Okay, I'm in. Let's do this; the risks are greater than if we did this inside the Institute itself, but not by much, and Colin's not likely to report us for breaking a law that I doubt he even knows about... Unless...” He looked at Jem.

Shaking his head, Jem answered Will's unspoken question. “No, I never told him that it's against Shadowhunter law for us to have sex. He would never had said yes to my suggestion of inviting you to join us of a menage-a-trois if he knew that part.” Jem hesitated, then added, “I also did not mention that you're still a virgin. I did say that this will be your first time having sex with a boy, but I implied that you've been with girls before.”

Will blushed, but whispered; “Thanks. I... uh... I appreciate that.” He shifted, wondering how Jem knew that he was still lying about sleeping with whores.

Catching Will's embarrassment, Jem explained; “I didn't think it was likely that you'd sleep with a woman when it's me you really want in your bed, that's all.”

“Oh, I see.” Will relaxed, remembering how Jem had first realized that Will was lying about having sex with whores after sucking Will off, saying that Will had acted too innocent to be experienced.

“Oh, Will, there's one more thing you should know.”

“What is it?” Will asked, slightly concerned.

“Just that Colin might try to go down on you; he likes sucking other guys off, but since I don't like that...” Jem shrugged.

“Oh, yeah, that's right.” Will smiled as Jem casually reminded him that he didn't like oral sex. “I'm glad that you no longer think that there's something wrong with you.”

Jem just shrugged again. “I've accepted that this is normal; for me, anyway.” Then he pushed away from the door so he could turn around to open it. “Anyway, I should head off to bed. Goodnight, William.”

“Goodnight, James.” Will sprang up and gave Jem a quick hug before letting him head back to his own room. He felt almost giddy as he walked over to his wardrobe to change into his sleepwear. Finally, after weeks of rejection, Jem had finally said yes to having sex with him! He still didn't care that Colin would be watching them, so long as it was only Colin.

Climbing up into his bed after changing, he slid his hand under his clothes and rubbed the tip of his erection, his mind full of thoughts of Jem and sex.

Moaning softly, he let his hand slid down his shaft to cup his balls, then he wrapped the hand around himself and languidly began stroking, letting his thumb rub his pee-slit ever second stroke. He kept the pace slow, trying to make himself last long enough to burn enough of his excess energy that he'd be able to fall asleep as soon as he was done cumming.

He paused briefly to wet his fingers with saliva, then massaged the tip again, biting his lip to keep himself from crying out as he did so. Moving faster now, his right hand slid firmly up and down his shaft as his left alternately toyed with his slit and his balls. He had to grasp his base firmly twice to keep himself from cumming before he was ready. When he did come, the orgasm took him by surprise, and he came harder than he ever had before.

Except when he'd cum from Jem playing with his shaft.

He had only just enough energy left to clean himself up before he fell asleep. As he drifted off, a small smile tugged at the corners of his mouth.


	10. Colin

Two days later, Colin paced anxiously as he waited for Jem to arrive. He was nervous, worried that Will had said no to joining them. He was also worried that he had said yes, or that Jem had been too shy to pass on the invitation. 

Truthfully, he had only said yes to inviting Will to join them because he was scared that if he said no Jem would end up cheating on him. He had known from the beginning that there was more than friendship between Jem and Will, and he was jealous of Will. Knowing that Will lived in the same building as Jem only made his jealousy worse, because it meant that they could be screwing around behind his back and he would never know.

He did trust Jem however, and wanted to believe that he'd been telling the truth when he said that Jem had only messed around with Will on one occasion. But he was still scared that it was either a lie...

Or that Will would convince Jem that he would never find out if it was only once. And if he was able to get away with it once...

Pushing the thought away, Colin resumed pacing. He had barely been able to rest since he'd found out that Jem had been sexually active with Will. Especially since it had happened right after Jem's first time in his bed.

Jem's face rose unbidden in his minds eye, the frantic look in his eyes as he'd tried to explain to Colin that it had just been that once, that nothing more had happened- that he hadn't let anything more happen. Yes, Will had asked for more, but he'd never accepted any of those advances...

For the millionth time he wondered if letting Jem have sex with Will was a good idea. Even though he would be watching them. Or maybe especially because he would be watching, because he would also be able to see if Jem was in love with Will. He hoped not, but he was scared that he would lose Jem to the other boy. After all, Will was Jem's best friend, they lived in the same place, and they were both of the race of the Nephilim; Shadowhunters.

Whereas Colin was just an ordinary boy; a mundane, that's what the Shadowhunter world called people like him. He didn't hunt demons or anything cool like that. No, he worked as an apprentice in an accounting firm, which was as close to the exact opposite of exciting as was possible. How could someone like him compete with someone like William Herondale?

He was jerked out of his circling thoughts by the sound of footsteps approaching his door. Slowly, he crossed the room and opened it to see both Jem and Will standing there. Will's eyes darted around, clearly fascinated by his flat, but he was soon too distracted by Jem's kiss to see what Will would do next. When they were like this, when he had Jem in his arms and they were able to kiss and touch, all his doubts seemed to vanish. The way Jem always kissed him made him believe that the silver haired boy really did love him.

Pulling away reluctantly, Colin turned to Will. “Jem explained to you why you were invited here tonight?”

“Yes, something about you liking to watch him with other men.” Will replied, sounding almost bored.

Surprised by Will's tone, Colin studied the dark haired boy's eyes carefully, and realized that he was jealous of him. What it meant that Will was also jealous Colin did not know, nor did he have a chance to ask, as Jem started kissing his ear, hoping to distract him again.

Twisting around, Colin slipped his hands up underneath the hem of Jem's shirt, lightly scratching at the sensitive skin of his lower back. His eyes darted back to Will briefly, wondering if Jem had told his friend that he likes pain. Then he turned his attention to undressing his lover, unbuttoning his shirt and slipping it from his slim shoulders.

After taking a moment to once more admire his lover's beauty, Colin nipped lightly at Jem's shoulders, before crouching down and taking a nipple into his mouth. Biting harder, he pulled the bud away as far as it would go, then let it snap back, massaging it with his tongue afterwards to sooth the pain.

“How was that?” He asked, needlessly since he already knew that Jem had enjoyed it. Glancing up when he did not get a verbal response, he realized that his lover's eyes were no longer on him, but on Will. Jealousy spiked hotly through his body, controlling his actions. “Do not look at him!” He snarled, and barely had time to note Jem's startled glance before he backhanded him across the face. Then he roughly pushed Jem towards the bed, hard, jealousy fuelling his strength.

Stumbling, Jem fell backwards, his Shadowhunter training not kicking in in time, and he fell just shy of the bed, his head hitting the frame hard. A sickening crack seemed to rend the very air in two, and Jem lay so still it was hard to tell if he was even still alive.

“Jem... oh God, what have I... JEM!” Colin cried, horrified by what he had done.

“Stay away from him!” Will warned him as he pushed past Colin to get to his parabatai's side. Working fast, he pulled his stele out of his pocket and rapidly drew a couple iratze runes on the front of Jem's shoulders.

“Is... is he going to be okay?” Colin asked, his voice shaking.

“Why should you care?” Will growled. “Jem told me that you knew when to stop, when things had gone too far... but this is miles over that line. You could have killed him!” Glancing over his shoulder, Will's expression softened somewhat as he realized that Colin was crying.

“I know that! I... you should leave.” His voice broke, and Colin sank down to his knees, his legs no longer willing to support him.

“I won't leave Jem-”

“I'm not asking you to. I mean... you should take Jem and leave, both of you. I don't... trust myself to be around him right now. This whole thing was a bad idea... I knew that from the beginning. I only agreed because I was so scared that if I didn't that you would convince Jem to cheat on me... if you haven't already...” Colin was barely aware of what he was saying, as the words just poured from his heart.

He watched numbly as Will lifted Jem up onto the bed, making sure he was comfortable. Then he crossed the room, pouring a glass of water from the jug on the main table, to which he added something silvery from a packet he took out of his pocket.

“Is that... yin fen?”

“Yes. Jem was almost out so I picked some more up for him on my way to meet up with him. I was tracking a demon down in Whitechapel anyway, so it wasn't out of my way.” Will explained flatly.

“So you buy his drug for him? Is there anything that you don't do for Jem?” Colin asked in a small voice.

Will glanced back over at him, startled by Colin's tone. “I don't dress him, or anything like that. Or undress him for that matter. And no, Jem has not been cheating on you, with me or anyone else. He loves you, or did before...” Will broke off. “Yes, there is heat between Jem and myself, but that's all. He was eager to invite me here tonight because it meant we had a chance to cool that heat before it ruined our friendship. But I would never had said yes if I knew that my being here would make you so jealous, or cause a rift between you and Jem. I want him, yes, but I want him to be happy more. And it's being with you that makes him happy.”

The sound of the sheets rustling made him turn back towards the bed. Jem was sitting up, blinking groggily. Crossing the room, Will handed Jem the glass, which Jem drank without question.

“Are you okay? I... I'm so sorry... Jem I never meant to hurt you! I love you!” Colin somehow managed to stand, though his legs were still shaking, and took two steps towards the bed, but stopped when Jem shrank back, away from him. For the very first time, Colin saw fear in those beautiful silver eyes... and he realized that Jem was afraid of him.

“Are you sleeping with Will behind my back?” Colin surprised even himself by asking the question outright.

“No! I told you before... that was a one time thing. I've never had sex with him, only with you. I lo-” Jem broke off halfway through saying 'I love you' as he realized that he wasn't sure at that moment if he did or not.

Then Colin turned his back on both his guests, no longer able to bear the fear still shining from Jem's eyes. “Please leave, both of you. I... I need to... to be alone.” His voice shook worse than before, and he had to force the words out of a numb throat.

“Colin... are you crying?” Jem asked, and something in his voice made Colin turn back towards him.

“I'm sorry for... for... for ever hurting you in anyway. Jem I love you and I never meant to...” Tears blurred his vision, and he felt more than saw Jem close the distance between them. Strong arms wrapped around his neck as Jem let his head rest against his left shoulder.

“Do you still want me to leave?” The words vibrated along Colin's body as Jem spoke with his face pressed against his shoulder.

“Yes. We need some time apart to think about what just happened, and what it means for us.” Wiping away the tears, he whispered something in Jem's ear that made the younger boy start.

“What?! No... I couldn't... I would never do that!” He didn't even have to think about Colin's suggestion before shooting it down.

By this point, his tears had subsided enough that he could see Jem's face clearly. He still looked scared, but the fear was no longer directed at Colin, but was rather fear of losing him. “Do you love him?” He whispered softly.

“Not in that way, no. I do love Will, but as a friend, and a brother of sorts, never romantically. I am not in love with him. You're the only one I feel that way about.” Jem replied, sincerely.

Reluctantly, Colin pushed Jem away. “You still need to go. You've been though enough for one night... and we both know that you don't like gentle sex.” He watched as Jem nodded, and pulled his shirt and jacket back on, hiding the healing runes that were still working to erase the evidence of Colin's jealousy.

Then, without speaking another word, Jem followed Will out of the flat, and Colin listened intently as even that sound faded away to nothing as Jem walked away from him. This was not how he had planned for this night to go! Why had he let jealousy control him like that?

Suddenly, he threw on his shoes and jacket, and left the building on silent feet. Not entirely sure what he was doing, he found his feet taking him towards Whitechapel, as a crazy plan began to emerge in his mind. He would prove once and for all that he was as good as Will, that he could take care of Jem just as well as the raven haired Shadowhunter did. As the darkness of Whitechapel swallowed him up, he felt a small shiver of apprehension pass through him, but he shrugged it off, ignoring the suddenly feeling he got that he would never see Jem again. That couldn't be true...

Could it?


	11. Will

“What did Colin whisper to you, anyway?” Will asked casually once they were out of sight of Colin's building. “Jem?” He asked, turning around when he got no reply.

Jem was as white as a sheet, and Will was amazed that he was still standing upright. Rushing towards him, Will made it just in time to catch his friend as his legs gave out. He lifted Jem up into his arms and hurried into the nearest alley to get away from any prying eyes that might be around.

Setting Jem down against the wall, Will cradled his head gently with one hand, and touched something wet. Blood, his hand was wet with Jem's blood. Something was wrong, the combination of the iratze runes and the yin fen should have healed Jem by now.

“Shit! How bad...” He broke off as Jem leaned forward, against him. As he caught Jem once more, Will realized that though Jem's breath was coming in short, erratic bursts, his heartbeat was still strong in his chest.

“I think I fractured my skull when it hit the bed...” Jem whispered, his voice thick with pain. “But I don't want Colin to know... if you hadn't been there I would have...”

“If I hadn't been there he wouldn't have hit you like that in the first place!” Will retorted, his voice thick with guilt.

Glancing around, he saw that they were alone, and quickly unbuttoned his parabatai's shirt so he could trace another healing rune over the top of Jem's spine.

“This isn't your fault, Will. I should have realized that he was jealous of my relationship with you. But I never even suspected that he was capable of something like this...” He started to shake his head, but stopped. “My head feels like it about to split in two...”

“We need to get you back to the Institute. Think you can walk, or do you want me to carry you?”

Jem blushed at the mention of being carried. “Will... I don't think-”

“I meant on my back, idiot! Not in my arms like a bride on her wedding night. And if anyone asks why I'm carrying you, we can say that you got ambushed by a demon, or mugged depending on whose asking.” Though Will's words were harsh, his tone was gentle, and he spoke softly.

“Oh... yeah, of course.” Jem's head felt fuzzy, and he vaguely realized that he had jumped to the wrong conclusion.

“What were you and Colin talking about anyway?” Jem asked softly, as Will turned him around so he could examine his head injury.

“You, and why I accepted the invitation to have a threesome with you and Colin. He asked me about my intentions towards you, and if I was messing around with you behind his back. I said no, that there was heat between us but nothing more. And that I'd only accepted the invite to cool the heat before it could wreck our friendship.”

“I see... so that's why he told me I could share your bed tonight if I was feeling up to it...” Jem was scarcely aware of what he was saying, and his own voice sounded distant and oddly echo-y to him.

“Oh, so that's what he had whispered. Well... even if you had said yes, that won't be happening... was he telling the truth when he said you don't like gentle sex?” Will blushed faintly, as he asked the one question that had been on the tip of his tongue ever since the door to Colin's flat had shut behind them.

“Yes, he was. I- I need pain, or at least some physical force, to get off while being... penetrated. Unless my... something else gets played with constantly during... well you know what I mean, right?” Jem blushed harder, making the rest of his skin look even whiter in comparison.

“I think so.” Will was sorry that he had asked such a question when Jem was in no shape to prove anything. “He was right, though, when he said that your not going to be well enough for such activities tonight.” Will turned Jem back towards him, noting the distant, glassy look in his friends eyes. “I don't even think you can walk the rest of the way home. So carrying you it is.” Will turned his back on Jem, and felt the gentle weight of him settle against his back as he grasped his thighs, lifting Jem's weight easily.

They didn't speak for the rest of the journey, as Jem lost consciousness almost as soon as Will lifted him. Not that Will minded, he was glad for the silence, for it made it easier for him to not say that he wanted Jem to break things off with Colin. Maybe it was only Will that made Colin jealous like that, but Will wasn't about to take that chance. If he could be jealous of one person, he could be jealous of anyone, and his temper had also shown him to be possessive, at least potentially.

There was also the disturbing thought that Colin would have forced himself on Jem had Jem fallen onto the bed itself. Just because Jem had given himself willingly to Colin in the past didn't mean that rape wasn't still a possibility. 

Will was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he barely noticed the empty halls of the Institute until after he had laid Jem down on his own bed, and realized that he needed help. He didn't know what was wrong, why Jem wasn't healing...

Or, maybe he was. Now that Will could see him properly, he saw that Jem's color had improved drastically, and the bleeding had finally stopped. His hair was still bloody, but the blood was drying rapidly. Relieved, Will washed away the blood, careful not to wake up Jem as he realized that Jem was not unconscious, but rather deeply asleep.

As he worked to clean Jem up, he found his mind wandering. How much energy had Jem wasted trying to be strong and not show pain in front of Colin? Why had he not wanted Colin to know exactly how hurt he was? Was it because he did truly love Colin, and was wilfully turning a blind eye to the signs that Colin was growing abusive?

Or was he? Was it Will's own jealousy that was turning an accident into intentional abuse? Maybe Colin had truly not meant to push Jem that hard, and had simply caught Jem when he was not on his guard? And why should Jem have his guard up around Colin...?

The more Will thought about it, the less the situation made sense. Colin's guilt over hurting Jem had been genuine, and Colin was not being possessive of Jem. Had he been, he would never have let Jem leave with Will without a fight.

Shaking his head, he tried to push the unanswered questions out of his mind, but they refused to budge. He tossed the now bloody rag he had used to wash Jem's hair into the fire, sighing. Then he turned back towards Jem. Part of him wanted to crawl into bed beside Jem, while the rest knew that it would be better to head back to his own room, so that they could hide what had happened.

Once more he examined Jem, and found that he could see no trace of the injury, and his friends pulse and breath were both normal once more. Satisfied, Will slipped out of the room, after pulling off Jem's shoes and socks, and headed towards his own, his head spinning. As soon as he was inside his room, he quickly undressed himself and, without bothering to pull on his nightshirt, collapsed naked onto his bed and fell into a shallow, troubled sleep. His dreaming mind kept replaying the scene in Colin's flat, only twisting it, his mind turning Colin into a monster who laughed at the damage he did to Jem. Each dream was worse than the last, with the final one showing Colin raping Jem brutally enough to kill the Shadowhunter. 

Though he had a sense that he had had troubling dreams, Will remembered nothing of what he had dreamed as he woke the next morning. Stretching, he felt as though he had not slept at all, and had to force himself to get out of bed and dress himself. Only his desire to check in on Jem kept him from just going back to sleep.

Yawning, he opened his door- and ran straight into Sophie. “Ah, Master Will, glad to see that your awake. Mrs. Bramwell has been looking for you.”

Will noticed Sophie's disrespectful tone, but for once paid no heed; he was too tired to care. “Where is she?” He asked, yawning once more.

“In the drawing room.” Sophie made to say something else, but Will pushed past her and headed down the hall without waiting to hear what else she had to say.

When he got to the drawing room, he saw that he was not the only one called. 

“But why must we be the ones to investigate this?” The voice speaking belonged to Jessamine. She was seated in an armchair next to the fire, across from Charlotte's desk. 

Discretely slipping into the room, Will seated himself next to Jem on the sofa located on the opposite side of the fire from Jessamine's armchair.

“Ah, Will, I see you finally decided to join us. Earlier I received a letter concerning some increase in demonic activity along the Thames. We've been requested to aid in discovering the source of the activity...”

“Will and Jem can investigate, but I had plans to go shopping for a new dress since I'd heard that the latest fashions from Paris had-”

“Jessamine, that is quite enough!” Charlotte did not raise her voice, but her tone was more than enough to startle the Shadowhunter girl into silence. Sighing, she turned towards Will and Jem. “I wish to speak to Jessamine alone, Jem can fill you in on what you will be investigating.” Charlotte added dismissing them.

“How are you feeling?” Will whispered as they left the room, his eyes frantically examining Jem.

“I'm fine, Will, just a little shaken that he would...” Jem broke off, his eyes downcast.

“Are you planning to see him again?” Will asked, relaxing slightly. Aside from being somewhat pale, Jem looked healthy.

“I...” Jem bit his lower lip. “I want to, even after last night, but... I don't know if I should. What if... I mean...” Jem broke of, frustrated that he could not find the words to express his fears.

Pulling Jem into an unused room so that they could have some privacy, Will studied Jem for a long moment. “I think you should see him again, somewhere public where he can explain himself. But I don't think you should be alone with him again until you feel safe around him once more.” Will spoke slowly, his own uncertainty coloring his words.

“Will...” Jem stepped forward and hugged the younger boy, needing comfort. Automatically, Will's arms wrapped around Jem, and he held his friend close as Jem shook, crying without shedding tears.

“Just talk to him. There has to be a reason why he acted the way he did last night.” Will whispered into Jem's hair.

Nodding, Jem held Will tighter, and they stayed like that for a long moment, only breaking apart after Jem had stopped shaking.

“Feeling a bit better now?” Jem nodded, finally able to look Will in the eye. “Good. Now what is it that Charlotte wants us investigating?”

Glad to change the subject, Jem quickly explained that a group of demons had been seen hunting along the banks of the river, though no victims had yet been discovered. The scant evidence pointed towards abduction rather than murder.

“What we're being asked to do is simple reconnaissance of the river to see if we can find out anything more. We've got the stretch just south of Whitechapel.”

“Whitechapel?” For some reason that name was sending shivers down Will's spine; he had a bad feeling about this mission.

“Yes, Whitechapel.” Jem repeated, noting Will's distress. He to had a bad feeling about the mission, but could not put his finger on why.

“Shit. That probably means we'll be pulling bodies of poor murdered mundanes out of the river...” Will tried to joke, but it fell flat as the words suddenly seemed to have a prophetic quality to them. 

Jem shuddered. “I sure hope not.” He shook off his dread and turned towards the door. Then he stopped, and turned to look back at Will. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For everything you did last night. For helping me hide how hurt I was, and why. Just... thank you for being there.”

Will said nothing as he placed his hand on Jem's shoulder, squeezing gently.

“We should go meet up with Thomas and Jessamine.”

“I bet she'll be a bundle of joy out there as she investigates with us, as she always is.” Will commented sarcastically, as they both knew how sullen she could be when obligated to do any Shadowhunter work.

 

“Hey, Will, over here, I think I found something!” Will's head jerked around in surprise as Jessamine called over to him.

“What is... oh.” Lying at her feet was a brand new doll, lying abandoned in a pile of trash. “Were any of the disappearances of children?” 

“Yes, three young girls, aged from five to eleven, and two boys, eight year old twins.” Jessamine responded promptly, surprising Will.

“Take the doll back to Charlotte, if it does belong to one of the girls we can use it to track her.” Nodding, Jessamine carefully lifted the doll and carried it back to the carriage, glad to be heading back to the Institute. The he turned back towards the river.

“Hey! I need some help over here!” Sighing, he hurried towards the call, then hesitated as he realized that it was Gabriel Lightwood who was calling for help.

Spotting Will, he growled at him, but nonetheless gestured for Will to come closer. “I found a floater, and I need help pulling it out of the river.”

Since standard procedure was to pull all corpses out of the river to see if they were Shadowhunters or Downworlders, Will hurried over. Usually he had no problem retrieving the bodies, but something about this one made him distinctly uneasy. It was the body of a young man, floating face down, as a trapped hand prevented the body from being washed further downstream.

“Will, I found something odd.” Jem's voice called out from a side alley, but Will didn't respond, intent as he was at civilly assisting Gabriel.

“Will?” Jem was closer now, close enough to see what Will was doing, as the body rolled onto the bank, landing face up.

“Get a mundane policeman, Gabriel. He's not one of ours.” Will had to fight to not look over his shoulder at Jem, as everything narrowed down to the young man's face. Trying in vain to hide Colin's corpse from Jem, Will quickly searched his body, discovering that he had been stabbed multiple times before ending up floating down the Thames. Then Will took the simple band he had been wearing on his right ring finger, and pocketed it.

A sudden sound jolted him back to reality, and he spun around. Jem was staring open mouthed and wide eyed at the body, and Will instantly sprang to his feet. Within seconds, Will had pulled Jem into the alley he had just made a discovery in, and just held him close.

“No... no... it can't be... I...” Jem stuttered incoherently, his mind striving hard to protect him, to not accept the truth. 

The rest of the day was a blur to both of them as Will hired a cab and somehow got Jem back to the institute without raising the alarm. Once they were barricaded in Jem's room, they both let go, clinging tightly to one another.

“Will... tell me that I'm dreaming.” Jem whispered hoarsely some time later, as they lay tangled together on Jem's bed.

“I'm sorry, Jem. I'm so, so, so sorry. I...” Will paused, remembering the ring. “Here. Colin was wearing this when I searched his bo-” Will broke of, his throat seizing around the word 'body'.

Numbly, Jem took the ring and studied it with unseeing eyes. Then, slowly, comprehension dawned and he read and reread the inscription engraved on the inside of the band, a haunted smile pulling at his lips.

“What is it?”

Unable to speak, Jem handed the ring back to Will, who shrugged as his eyes noted the Mandarin characters engraved on the inside. Then realization also dawned on him.

“The engraving is in Mandarin, and he couldn't read that tongue, could he?”

“No. It doesn't say much, just our names and the characters for love and friendship.” Jem thoughtlessly slipped the ring onto his left ring finger. “How did he die?”

“Jem... I don't think...”

“Will! Tell me, I need to... to... Oh God! Colin...” Will waited for the fresh wave of tears to abate before carefully answering Jem's question.

“It... He didn't kill himself, if that's what your wondering, nor did he die by drowning, since I think he was already dead when he hit the water.”

“Then... Will, are you saying that Colin was murdered?” Jem asked, horrified.

“Yes. He had been stabbed several times, including through the heart.” Will had to force the words out, not wanting to hurt Jem further.

“Murder... but why... why would anyone... unless... you don't think that he was killed for liking boys, do you?”

“I... I really don't know, James. I wish I did, but there was nothing on him to say why he was killed. If it had been a mugging, which I won't rule out, then his killer took whatever he had been mugged for with him.” Will added, stating the obvious.

“He had no family here in London, so there's no one... no one to claim his body... to fight for his killers to be brought to justice...” Jem trailed off, his body shaking so hard that he couldn't do anything, even cry, and all Will could do was hold him tight and wait for the shaking to stop.

Just then, there was a knock on the door, and Sophie's voice calling to them that Charlotte wished to see them both in the drawing room.

Will was just about to respond when Jem started coughing, his body doubled over, blood appearing beneath him on the sheets. 

Forgetting all about Sophie, Will raced across the room to the dresser where Jem's yin fen box was sitting, and scooped as much as he dared to into a glass of water.

But once he returned to the bed, offering the glass to Jem, for the first time Jem refused to take the drug that was keeping him alive.

Will's patience snapped, and, setting down the glass, he pushed Jem against the headboard, pinning him there. “Jem! Listen to me. I get it that you hurt, that maybe right now dying seems like the best option, but... but it's not! I don't want you to die, James, please, don't leave me...” Will pleaded desperately.

Submitting, Jem took the glass and drained it automatically, not tasting anything, then he surrendered to unconsciousness, just as Sophie and Thomas forced the door open.

“Will, I heard... What's wrong?” She glanced around, noting that both Will and Jem were pale, their eyes red from crying. But crying over what?

“Get Charlotte, there's something that she needs to know.” Will knew that he would be breaking Jem's trust, but if he was right, and Colin's death had made Jem suicidal, then he needed help.

 

“Why didn't you tell me any of this before?” Charlotte asked quietly after Will had finished telling her about Colin, confessing everything he knew about Jem's relations with the other man, only omitting the sexual parts.

“We didn't know how news that Jem was romantically involved with another man would be taken.” Will had been pacing as he spoke, but now he dropped bonelessly into a chair, his energy gone.

Sighing, Charlotte rested her head in her hands. Since becoming head of the Institute she had dealt with suicides before, and illicit relations, among other things. But never before something quite like this. Never before had someone she cared deeply about attempted suicide because his male lover had been murdered.

Murder. The word seemed to hang in the air, tainting it somehow, and as one they glanced across the room at Jem, who was sleeping fitfully.

“What do we do?” Will asked.

“I...” Charlotte made a quick decision. “We treat this like a normal fit.”

“You're not going to report...?”

“There's nothing to report, not unless we want to make things much worse for Jem. Relations between members of the same sex, while not actually illegal, can still result in severe punishments. Especially in cases like this, when it's between a mundane and a Shadowhunter. He could end up cast out, stripped of his family name, and cut off from his yin fen.” Biting her lip, Charlotte thought hard, as though wondering if she was making the right choice.

“Was he happy being with Colin?”

“Yes.” Will didn't even have to think about it. “He was happier than I'd ever seen him.” Except when being slapped around... He bit the inside of his cheek to keep from saying the last part out loud.

“They were in love, weren't they?”

“Yes, very much so.”

Charlotte nodded, and turned away from the bed. “Stay with him, and notify me if he shows any further signs of wanting to end his own life.” Placing a gentle hand on Will's shoulder, Charlotte left the room.

Exhausted, Will climbed into bed beside Jem, who rolled over into Will's arms without waking up. Will wrapped his arms once more around his best friend, as he fell into a deep, dreamless sleep.


	12. Jem

The next morning, Jem woke up slowly, fighting against consciousness. When he finally opened his eyes, he found Will leaning over him.

“How are you feeling?” Will asked, concern clearly written all across his face.

Frowning slightly, Jem tried to figure out why Will would be so worried. His body ached in ways that told him he had gone through a withdrawal fit, but he could not remember much from the previous day. 

“I...” He stopped, uncertain what to say, and he reached out for Will with his left hand, freezing when he saw the ring he was wearing. All his memories came rushing back, winding him, as he remembered that Colin was dead. “Will... tell me I was just dreaming...”

But Will said nothing, and Jem knew that Colin was truly gone. “So it is true... he really was murdered...”

“Yes, he was. Jem I...” Will broke off, glancing away, guilt replacing the concern.

“What did you do, Will, to look so guilty that you can't even meet my eye?” Jem asked, trying to tease, but the attempt failed. Will couldn't have had anything to do with Colin's death, could he? But what else could it be that Will was hiding?

“I told Charlotte about Colin...” Will whispered, and Jem actually laughed. The sound was odd, empty, devoid of humor, or bitterness, or any other human emotion, but it was still laughter nonetheless.

“Oh, is that all? I thought... never mind what I'd thought. How did she take the news that I prefer boys?”

“You're not mad at me? I broke your trust...” Will started, then broke off as it became clear that Jem did not care. “But I had to tell her... after you... I mean... Do you really want to die?” Will asked, his eyes downcast.

“Do I...” Jem suddenly remembered refusing the glass of yin fen that Will had prepared for him the previous night, and realized for the first time that Will had taken that refusal as a suicide attempt. He had to have the drug to live, and dying would be as simple as not taking it when he needed to...

But he hadn't been thinking about dying at the time, hadn't been thinking about anything really, other than stopping the pain he felt. He had just wanted the pain to go away, and something inside him had screamed that the drug would only make the pain worse.

“Did... you told Charlotte that I'm suicidal didn't you?” Jem asked numbly.

“I... not conclusively. Only that you'd refused the medicine and why. Are you?”

“I don't want to die... I didn't want to die last night, I just wanted the pain to stop...” Jem whispered. “And it has. I don't feel pain inside anymore... I don't feel anything...” Blindly scanning the room, searching for someone who wasn't there, who couldn't be there, his eyes landed on the dagger lying on his dresser. It would be so easy for him to sink the blade into his heart... He shook his head violently to clear such thoughts from his mind. Colin wouldn't want them to be reunited like that... and it wouldn't work anyway. Suicides took longer to be reborn, so odds were that they would miss each other in the next life if he jumped the gun and killed himself here and now.

Then there was Will. Jem had a sinking feeling that if he died Will would follow him, and Jem did not want to be responsible for Will's death in any way. But he knew that he could not tell Will much of what had just passed through his mind.

“I'm fine... okay, maybe not fine, but I... I know that Colin would rather have me live and be happy with someone else than take my own life to be with him.” Taking a deep breath, Jem felt some of the unnatural calm he felt crack, and he relished the pain that replaced it. Pain meant that he was still alive, no matter how hard living was. “You never did answer my question...”

“She didn't actually say anything about that part, Jem. Just expressed concern over how you were handling Colin's... death.” Jem knew that Will had meant to say 'murder' but had changed his mind at the last moment.

“She also said that she was not going to report you for courting a male mundane.” Will added a moment later.

Jem nodded, knowing he should be relieved, or grateful, or something other than the numbness he still felt inside.

At that moment there was a brief knock on the door, and Thomas entered carrying a tray loaded with bread, soup, and tea.

“Charlotte wishes to speak to you.” He told Will softly, as he placed the tray in front of Jem.

Nodding, Will left the room, but not before discretely removing the dagger from the dresser. Jem realized that Will must have seen him look at it earlier, and sighed. The fact that Will did not trust him not to do anything stupid neither surprised nor bothered him; had their positions been reversed, Jem was certain that he would do the same.

After Will left, Thomas made certain that Jem was comfortable, then he also left to attend to other duties, and Jem found himself alone for the first time since finding out about Colin's death. The image of his body haunted him, and he found himself eating without tasting anything as silent tears trailed down his cheeks.

When he was done eating, Jem tried to go back to sleep, but couldn't, so he slid out of bed and padded over to the window, after retrieving his violin. Though Colin had expressed an interest in hearing Jem play, he never had. Since Colin could not enter the institute, nor could Jem take his violin with him without arousing suspicion, there had never been an opportunity for him to share this part of himself with his lover.

He was playing when Will returned; hauntingly sad notes pouring out in no clear rhythm that Will could identify, and yet the sound was still harmonious. Will realized that Jem was playing the song of his love and loss, and just hoped that being able to express himself through music would help him heal.

After a few moments, the music slowed, then stopped entirely. “What did Charlotte want?” Jem asked casually as he returned the instrument to its case, before sitting next to Will on the bed.

“She wanted to know how you were doing. If you were still acting... suicidal. I told her no, that you're in pain, emotionally, but that your desire is to live.”

Jem nodded, glad that Will was believing him, or at least wanting to.

“Do you have any books that do not contain romance?” Jem asked a few moments later, and Will nodded. “Can you read to me? I need something to think about other than...” Jem trailed off.

“I'll be right back. Jem... Things will get better, I know they will. You will find someone else who will make you happy.” Will whispered, as he rose and crossed the room, hesitating only when he reached the door, as a strange feeling came over him. A feeling that Jem's happiness would come only at the loss of his own. Shaking it off, he left to fetch whichever book he had chosen.

When he returned he had a copy of Oliver Twist tucked under his arm. Though he had debating grabbing Alice's Adventures in Wonderland he had chosen the Dickens novel for two reasons; it had a richer story line than Carroll's work, and also because he sensed that Jem was not looking for amusement. Just distraction, and a reminder of what life truly was. The serious tone of Oliver Twist matched that need better than the frivolous adventures of Alice and her Rabbit Hole.

By this point, Jem was curled up on the bed, and Will slipped silently in beside him, and, without another word, opened the book and began reading.

Some time later, Charlotte quietly entered the room to see for herself that Jem was going to be okay. Neither boy noticed her presence at first, and she was able to observe them in a way she never had before.

Will was sitting with his back against the headboard, one leg raised to prop up the book he was reading out loud from, the other stretched out. Curled up beside him was Jem, who was using Will's knee as a pillow, his arms looped around Will's calf. His eyes were closed, and it wasn't immediately clear if he was truly listening to what Will was reading, or just enjoying the sound of his voice rising and falling rhythmically.

Then she noticed that whenever Will had a free hand, he was stroking Jem's neck and back, the same way you would pet a cat or dog. The scene seemed odd, and it took Charlotte a moment to realize why; that it was because they looked more like lovers than anything else. 

Pushing the thought away, she cleared her throat, and Will glanced towards the door.

“Charlotte... I didn't hear you.” He grinned sheepishly, embarrassed that she had been able to sneak up on him, but made no attempt to push Jem away.

“I wish to speak with Jem, alone.” She spoke softly, ignoring the feeling that there was something the boys were not telling her.

Nodding, Will slid from the bed and left the room, but Charlotte knew that he wasn't going far.

“I'm sorry that you felt the need to hide the fact that you had a lover from me.” Charlotte continued, as soon as the door had closed. “I had known that something was up, that you were lying about just needing air and...” She broke off, struggling to find the right words.

“If you knew that I was lying, why didn't you say anything sooner?” Jem whispered.

Crossing the room, Charlotte sat down in the chair beside the bed. “Because I did not wish to pry. I thought that you would tell me the truth eventually if I just gave you enough space. What sort of a man was Colin?” She added, curiosity getting the better of her.

But Jem just shook his head, the pain he felt still too raw to allow him to casually talk about Colin.

Accepting Jem's silence, Charlotte decided to breach the actual reason she was there. “I need to ask you an extremely personal question. Were you and Colin sexually involved with each other?”

“Why do you need to know something like that?” Jem felt his cheeks blaze with heat, and he was unable to look her in the eye.

“Because there are certain... illnesses that can only be transmitted in that manner, and...” She broke off, also blushing.

“Oh, those. I am fully aware of that. Yes, I did have a relationship of that nature with Colin, but there was never any danger of either of us getting sick since we'd both entered into it as virgins.” Jem had to force the words out.

“Was it only Colin who you were intimate with?”

“No, there was t- one other. A boy named Andy, and after being with him I got myself checked, as did Colin. Neither of us caught anything.” Jem had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from adding the name of his third lover. Charlotte could never know about him and Will, it would break her heart and she'd have no choice but to report them.

“Are you certain?” Jem nodded though he wasn't sure if she meant his health or the number of lovers he'd had.

“I still would appreciate it if you would get yourself checked again, just to be certain. Some of those illnesses can be devastating.”

“Of course.” Jem readily agreed just to please Charlotte. As she turned to leave, he recalled something. “Wait. Yesterday, before... I found something that could be of importance to the case.” He fished into his pocket and pulled out the crumpled note that had been lying on the ground of the alley.

Taking the piece of paper, Charlotte read the brief message, which was addressed simply to The Magister. “'Abductions going as planned. Soon we will have enough to tempt him into joining our cause.' Who is this Magister?” She mused out loud, not expecting a reply. Then the symbol on the bottom of the page caught her eye, a double ouroboros.

“Thank you I believe that this will prove useful.” She did leave then, not the least surprised to find Will leaning against the wall across from Jem's door. As he passed her to reenter Jem's room, she was tempted to ask if he was Jem's lover, but decided that she didn't want to know.


	13. Will

Try as he might, Will just could not get back to sleep. In the two weeks since Colin's murder, he had been careful to keep things at a 'just friends' level with Jem, unwilling to push him into something that they would both regret.

However, the effort it took to suppress his growing desire for Jem was taking its toll on him. For the past week, all his dreams had featured Jem; naked, aroused, and willing to do whatever Will wanted him to. Instead of easing the pressure he felt, the dreams made things worse, made him even more aware of his lust for Jem.

The last of these dreams had occurred about an hour earlier, leaving his stomach and sheets a sticky mess, and Will almost frustrated enough to cry. After cleaning himself up, he had grabbed a book of Tennyson poems, but couldn't focus enough to read them.

Now the book was lying abandoned on the side table, and Will was curled up facing away from the door, trying hopelessly to think about anything other than having sex with Jem.

Lost in his thoughts, Will almost failed to hear his bedroom door open, and footsteps approach the bed. Past caring, Will made no attempt to see who it was, until a rustling of fabric and the bed dipping jarred him back to the present.

Rolling onto his back, he found himself looking up at the boy who was haunting both his waking and sleeping thoughts. The full moon shone though the partially open drapes, silvering Jem's pale body, his half erect cock hanging heavily between his legs.

“Jem... what are you doing here at this time of night? And why are you naked?” Will's wide eyes traced down the bare lines of Jem's body as he spoke, awe and confusion coloring his voice.

“I couldn't sleep, and thought that you might want some company.” Lowering his head, Jem whispered the words into Will's ear, making the raven haired boy shiver.

“Company? Jem... its only been two weeks, are you certain-” The question was cut short by Jem's mouth pressing against Will's.

“Yes, I am. I still miss Colin- in many ways I think I always will- but I miss sex more. Since meeting him, I haven't gone this long without being touched. Please, Will, touch me. Please... I need this...” Something in what Jem was saying worried Will, and he wished that he could see his friend's eyes clearly.

“Jem...” Will broke off as a skilled hand slid underneath his nightshirt and began stroking his shaft. Biting his lip, he wondered if he should ask Jem to stop, but knew that it would be a bad idea. If he did, and Jem really did need sex so desperately, then he was scared as to where Jem would turn next. Were there brothels in London that catered to homosexual men? Or would Jem turn to one of Colin's friends, that guy Andy, maybe? No, it was better if Will satisfied Jem himself.

Pushing aside his lingering doubts, Will pulled Jem down for another kiss. As soon as their tongues touched, Will forgot about everything except for the pleasure of being touched and his desire for the boy touching him. They didn't break apart until the need for air forced them to.

“Will...” Jem breathed the name, almost unconsciously.

“Yes?”

“Can... can I taste you again?” Jem blushed softly, but it was lost in the darkness of the room.

“Taste me?” Will cocked his head to one side, certain he knew what Jem was asking, but wanting to hear it said aloud nonetheless.

“Yes. I want to... suck you off.” Jem's blush deepened.

“Jem... you can do whatever you want tonight, so long as it doesn't cause me any pain.” Will replied softly, eager to feel Jem's mouth on him again.

Nodding, Jem quickly lowered himself, as Will removed his nightshirt. As Jem's tongue lapped across his tip, Will feathered his fingers through his friend's soft hair. Encouraged, Jem sucked the tip into his mouth, swirling his tongue around the tip several times before deep-throating the shaft.

Will let his head fall back; this was better than he remembered since Jem was more skilled than the first time they had done this. As Jem pleasured him, Will let his mind go blank, content to just enjoy the moment, and let go of everything. All that mattered was his pleasure, and Jem's.

Suddenly, Jem pulled back, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Jem, don't stop...”

Laughter was Jem's only reply, as he crawled up Will's body to straddle his hips. “I know that you liked that, Will, but I think you'll like what I plan to do next even more.” A mischievous smile on his face, Jem shifted his hips, while reaching down to grasp Will's length, then he lowered himself onto it, sheathing Will deep within himself.

Will shrieked wordlessly at the surprise contact, and grasped Jem's hips tightly. Without giving either of them time to adjust, Jem began riding his friend hard.

Overwhelmed by the sensations, Will clawed at Jem's hips to stop him, but the pain only spurred Jem on, even as blood leaked from the scratches to spatter across the sheets below. Increasing his pace even further, Jem rammed Will's tip against his prostate, as he felt his orgasm build low in his belly, and his muscles clenched painfully hard around Will as he came.

Panting, he stilled, and realized that something was wrong. “Will, did you...?”

Will shook his head, still to overwhelmed to talk.

Jem glanced down at the scratches lacing across his hips and lower back, and realized something else. “Were you trying to get me to stop?”

“No, just to slow down. Maybe you like it that hard, but it was too fast for me. Too much. Like receiving oral for you, it just overwhelmed me.” Will whispered hoarsely, not meeting Jem's eyes.

“Oh...” Jem felt awful as he understood what Will was saying. Sliding off of the bed, he reached for his clothing, intent on leaving before he fucked things up between them further.

“Jem, wait. You're bleeding.” Will grabbed Jem's arm to stop him from leaving.

“I don't care. I hurt you, Will... I'm sorry I was so caught up in my own pleasure that I forgot to figure out what you like...” Jem's voice was thick with unshed tears, and he tried to tug his arm out of Will's grasp.

“Jem, everyone will know what we did if you leave a trail of blood when you leave.” Will shot back, not caring what he was saying, so long as it convinced Jem to let him look at the scratches.

“I...” Jem broke off, sighing. “Yes, you're right. Fine, do as you wish.” Jem's voice sounded hollow.

“Are you okay?” Will asked as Jem lay down on his stomach on the bed. Grabbing his stele, Will crossed back over to the bed.

“I don't know anymore. Will... Why did you say yes tonight?”

Weighing his words carefully, Will applied an iratze to Jem, and washed away the blood. “Because I didn't know what you would do if I said no, and I didn't want you ending up in some stranger's bed...”

“Do you think it's possible to become addicted to sex?”

Jem's question caught Will off guard and he thought hard before replying. “I don't know, maybe. It would explain your earlier behaviour...”

“Yes, it does. Shit...” Jem took a deep breath as the damp cloth caressed his skin. Silence fell thick between them, but neither tried to break it.

“Want to try something else?” Will eventually asked.

“Like what?”

“You like being tied up, right?” Jem nodded. “I don't want to hurt you, but I'm willing to try that, and then maybe I could take you from behind?”

“Alright.” Jem readily agreed, perking up a bit at the fact that Will was willing to try having sex with him again. As Will slipped off the bed to find something to tie Jem up with, Jem positioned himself. Lying face down, he slid a stack of pillows under his hips, and stretched out his arms above his head with his wrists together.

Returning with a tie he never wore, Will quickly bound Jem's wrists together, and tied them to the headboard. “How does that feel? Too tight?”

“No, no it's good...” Jem's voice was breathy from arousal, the slight pain from his bound wrists increasing his anticipation.

“Jem...” Will broke off, biting his cheek as he grabbed a bottle of oil he used while masturbating, and climbed back onto the bed. Rubbing oil onto his length, Will pushed aside his lingering doubts and positioned himself between Jem's spread legs. Not giving himself time to back down, he clumsily thrust into Jem's still tight opening.

“Will, just relax and let the rhythm come to you.” Jem twisted around and looked over his shoulder as Will struggled to find a suitable rhythm for his thrusts.

“Have you ever topped?” Will shot back, embarrassed at how hard he was finding sex to actually be.

“Yes, once, with him. I found that I prefer bottoming.”

“Shit...” Will stopped. “I'm sorry, I should have figured...”

“Will! Just fuck me!” Jem always found it frustrating when his ass was filled with a stationary cock.

Resuming, Will settled into a slow easy pace that had Jem gritting his teeth in frustration. “Harder! Please, Will!”

Will complied, trying in vain to find a speed that satisfied both of them. Eventually he found a pace that had Jem writhing in pleasure, yet didn't overwhelm him, but he knew that it was still rougher than he really liked. Even the thrill of getting to spill his seed deep inside Jem's ass did little to satisfy Will, and he pulled away as soon as he was done cumming.

“I don't think we should do this again.” Will looked down as he spoke.

“Will... Yes, maybe you're right.” Jem laughed at the irony of them being compatible in everything but sex.

“I like things gentle, you like pain and force... There doesn't seem to be any middle ground here.” Will's eyes were apologetic as he finally met Jem's.

“Don't be sorry, Will. At least now we know, and the fatal attraction we feel can fade.” Jem smiled, and Will returned it, happy that there was a silver lining after all.

Neither spoke another word as Jem pulled his night clothes back on and left to return to his own bed, unwilling to be caught in Will's by the morning light.


	14. Chapter 14

Jem sighed and picked up his violin, once more unable to sleep. Over the weeks and months since he had finally bedded Will, Jem's health had steadily declined. The strain of having to overcome an addiction to sex as well as his ever-present addiction to yin fen were mostly to blame, though only Will knew that. Even Charlotte was kept in the dark about Jem's second addiction.

As hard as it was, Jem had abstained from sexual contact since leaving Will's bed that night. When the urge for sex became unbearable, he forced himself to play his violin, the music providing a means of escaping the pain. And, little by little, he had overcome the second addiction, while succumbing more and more to the first.

When his door opened, he called out to Will without glancing over, only to get no reply. Calling out again, he stopped playing and finally glanced over at the door. A young woman stood in the doorway, studying him curiously, and shamelessly, and he had to fight not to blush as he saw that she was dressed for bed.

“You're not Will.” He studied her back as she stammered an apologetic explanation of why she had barged into his room, and he incredibly felt a faint stirring of arousal low in his stomach. Was he not over his sexual addiction? Or was it her, was he somehow attracted to her, despite his proclivity towards men?

Without much focus on what he was saying, he explained that Will had told him who she was- the shape-shifter girl, Tessa Gray. All the while, he studied her, trying to figure out why he was feeling arousal; and he had to admit, after a few moments of careful consideration, that she was beautiful. But female beauty usually meant nothing to him, so why was she an exception?

Wanting to study this new feeling more, he invited her to ask him any questions she had, and soon found himself relaxing and warming to the conversation.

Will's arrival proved to be a welcome distraction, however, even as he teased Tessa for wandering into Jem's bedroom at night. Not that the teasing lasted long, as Jem was soon doubled over coughing, and Will shooed Tessa away.

“What do you really think about her?” Jem asked, after downing his medicine.

“Hmm? Oh, you mean Tessa?” Wills eyes dropped, and he seemed thoughtful. “I'm not sure yet what to think. Except...” He broke off.

“Except what?” Jem frowned, wondering if Will had picked up on his reaction to Tessa.

“Her shape-shifting power... I wonder if she could use it to help you. We never did find out anything more about his death...”

“No! Absolutely not. Tessa's been through hell already, I can't ask her to use her power for my sake.” Jem sighed, and fiddled with his violin case.

“Jem...” Will embraced him from behind. “You need closure, and she may be the only one who can give it to you.”

“My answer is still no.” Jem pulled away, and returned his violin case to its usual corner of the room. When he turned around, he found the room empty, even though he had not heard Will leave.

That night, his dreams were plagued with visions of Tessa, trying to please him by shifting into Colin, but being trapped half way, bleeding to death, or failing outright; and more than once he woke to find his pillow damp with tears.

The next morning, however, he found himself unwilling to stay in bed any longer, and felt strong enough to resume his normal Shadowhunter duties. After he carefully dressed himself, he headed downstairs to breakfast, his mind still replaying scenes from his nightmares.

It wasn't until that night, after he had returned from investigating the brothel with Will, that Jem had any further time to reflect upon his attraction to Tessa. Was that the reason why he was so adamantly against her using her powers to Change into Colin? Or was it just too painful for him to see Colin again, like that?

“Jem? Are you okay?” Jem started, not having heard his bedroom door open.

“Yes, I'm fine, Will.” Jem felt an impulse to kiss Will even though he no longer had any desire to have sex with his friend, but it passed almost instantly. “Is there something you want?”

“Have you thought more about what I suggested last night?”

Jem shook his head. “No, Will. It's not fair to Tessa to ask her to Change into Colin.”

“Are you sure that's your real reason for saying no, or are you just scared?”

“I am scared, yes, but that's never held me back before. I was scared the first day I met with Colin, yet I still went. Why should this be any different?”

“Because it is different. Before you were scared of public reaction to you being a homosexual, now you're scared of your heart breaking all over again. You're scared of hoping that she can help, because she could fail.” Will took a deep breath before he continued. “But you need to know. You act tough, so that no one knows how much pain you're in, and nothing can change now unless you let it.”

“Will...”

“Let Tessa help, if she can. If she cannot, at least she'll have tried. Ask her, the worst she can do is say no.”

Jem shook his head. “Will...”

“Ask me what?” Both boys started at the sound of Tessa's voice as neither had heard her door open across the hall. When both just stared at her in shock, she repeated her question. “Ask me what? Will? Jem? What do you want to ask me?”

Will looked over at Jem, who sighed. “Come in and close the door.” Hesitantly she complied, but stayed close to the door, knowing how improper it was for her to be in a man's bedroom at night without being wed to him.

“What Will wanted me to ask you was to... use your powers to Change into someone.”

“Who?” Tessa's expression turned wary, and she unconsciously took a step backwards, towards the door.

“A young man named Colin Forrester. He... was very dear to me, and...” Jem looked away as his throat closed up, choking off any further words he might have uttered.

“Colin died suddenly and violently, many weeks ago, and we never found out... who killed him. That is what we are asking, Tessa. If you could Change into Colin just long enough to tell us if he saw his attacker, saw the bas- person who ended his life.”

Tessa glanced from one young man to the other, then back again, carefully considering her answer. “What is it that you are not telling me? Why is this Colin so dear to Jem that he cannot even speak of him even though he's long dead?”

“Will knowing that change your answer?” Will asked, then sighed.

“He was my lover.” Jem whispered the words before Tessa could reply. “Yes, Tessa. Colin was as male as I am, and yet we were lovers, and in love. Please do not tell anyone else this; Only Will and Charlotte know the truth of my relationship with him, the rest think he was only a very dear friend of mine.” Jem's silver eyes gazed straight into Tessa's softer grey ones as he spoke.

Tessa drew a deep breath, then let it out. She thought about her aunt, and her parents; the pain she had felt when she had realized that she would never see them again, and finally the pain she felt at not knowing when she would once more see her brother. “I'll do it.” The words escaped her unconsciously, but she did not retract them. “I'll Change into Colin, for Jem. I have never used my power to willing help another before, but if it can be used that way, then it should be.”

Jem went to the desk, and retrieved the ring Will had recovered from Colin's body, which he had not worn since he had told Charlotte about Colin. But he hesitated before handing it to her, which Will saw, and he realized what the problem was.

“This might not work... Tessa, Colin was stabbed through the heart. Will that affect your ability to access his dying thoughts?” Will asked her on Jem's behalf.

Tessa paused, remembering how she had passed out after changing into someone who had been shot, and had bled out their blood. “I do not know. Maybe if I focus hard enough I can control the change enough to avoid bleeding too much.” But doubt was written across her face even as she spoke. “But I still have to try.” She held out her hand, and Jem placed the ring in the center of her palm as Will spread an oil cloth over the floor, to catch any blood that resulted from Tessa's Change, and Tessa moved herself to the very center.

Once in place, she closed her fingers over the ring, then closed her eyes and focused on Colin's presence in the ring, but felt something she had never felt before. Peace she had never known washed over her, and then she was Colin. But not Colin as he had been moments before death, no this Colin was strong and whole of body, radiating life rather than death.

“Jem, I have missed you more than you will ever know.” The words flowed through her and out of her mouth without conscious thought. “I love you, even in death I will always love you, and only you. Please, be happy, that is all I ask.”

Crying now, Jem stepped closer to Tessa/Colin. “Who did this? Who separated us through your death?”

“I don't know, for I never saw their faces. It was two men, both young and strong of body. After you left my flat that last night, I'd gone down to Whitechapel, jealous of how dependent you were being with Will. That he even bought you your yin fen... it was more than I could bear. To show you that I can be depended on to, I planned to buy for you the drug, so that you could have a supply at my flat as well, and I did. The men jumped me as I left the drug den, mugged me for your drug. I never stood a chance, as they stabbed first, without saying a word. I was an idiot, to think that a normal Mundane such as myself would be safe in such an area... I put you through hell just to prove my worth to you... can you ever forgive me?”

“Yes, yes of course I can. Colin, I love you too and that will never change. Part of me will always love you, even as I give my heart to another.” Stepping close, forgetful that it was Tessa and not Colin who truly stood before him, he hugged her tight for a brief moment, then stepped back. “Please, be at peace and do not worry about me.”

Smiling, Tessa felt Colin's presence slip away, and then she was herself again. Collapsing to her knees, momentarily lightheaded, she heard footsteps approach her, and then a warm hand was laid upon her shoulder.

“Thank you.” Looking up, she found herself gazing into Jem's eyes, eyes that were noticeably warmer than they had been moments before, despite being filled with unshed tears. Will was standing behind him, his eyes filled with thanks and concern.

“I am fine, just dizzy.” Taking Jem's hand, she rose to her feet. “This was unlike any Change I had ever experienced before.”

“You did not simply Change into Colin; you actually housed his spirit for a few moments. He helped you Change, then took control of your body for long enough to get his message to me.” Jem didn't know where his certainty came from, but even as he spoke the words, he knew that they were true.

“I channelled him... Yes, that makes sense.” Then she looked at him. “Was it painful for you, to see him again, like this?”

“Yes, but it was nothing compared to the pain of not knowing. I had wondered if he hadn't been killed for... liking boys in general, and for liking me. But now that I know the truth, I can begin to heal. So, thank you, Tessa. Thank you for helping me.”

She could only smile as she realized the true magnitude of what she had done, then she turned to leave and return to her own room.

“You're welcome.” The words were whispered as she closed the door behind her, and Jem felt his heart loosen enough to begin to let her in. What he felt for her he didn't know. It wasn't love, being nothing like what he felt for either Colin or Will; but it wasn't simply caring, or compassion either. It was an entirely new feeling, and he wondered what it would one day blossom into. But for that night he was happy to simply let Will hold him as he cried out the last of his tears for Colin and began to allow his broken heart to heal at last.

End.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have plans for several side stories that will fill in some of the gaps; Jem and Tessa's first time together, what Gabriel did after seeing Jem and Colin kissing, and what Will did the night he was told of Tessa's engagement to Jem.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't flame me for making Jem's father Catholic; that is my own idea and has no basis in the novels themselves. Any other feedback you may have would be greatly appreciated.


End file.
